This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-06-11 20:26:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Passage

Sunlight dapples splash on purple tint, upon the door of childhood's past  torn, weathered  soiled and worn. The reek of must behind that door much dampness and decay from dying dreams of innocence so deeply hid away. But still there's light; foreboding light  that casts upon simplicity  on shame and  secret history.

Copyright © June 2006 Nancy Ann Hemsworth


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-07-04 21:16:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Hi Nancy, Purple, hmm...this made me remember your poem "Lavender" which was splendid. But this one connotes doleful sound. I am glad there is hope amidst darkness. This poem is casted upon simplicity of writing but so deep is the message, a sage to live by! Jordan PS. Hey, are you so busy there? You just critiqued a few poems unlike before! I hope you are doing fine. Somehow I miss your presence here! (Smile)


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-06-29 16:54:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Nancy Ann, There's a nice reflection of the past in your poem. Good choice of imagery to describe it, with torn, weathered, soiled and worn. Good alliteration, with, dampness and decay to enhance your idea of dreams dying. Emotions brought forth in this piece, are sad, regretful and haunting. The dynamics of families, family secrets and past hurts never ceases to amaze me. I have my own, "secret history", that isn't with me on a day to day basis, but can never be forgotten. I appreciate the fact that you've touched basis with these feelings, written about them, in a poetic fashion to share here with us. Good write. Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-24 09:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Wow. I like this poem! It has truth, and reeks of pain. Your second verse is absolutely perfect! The third verse reminds us that there is still hope (much needed!)even for that which has been shattered. Your first verse is your weakest. Sunlight dapples splash on purple tint, upon the door.....if this were in the middle of the poem it would be very easy to follow, but not so strong a beginning as this seems to deserve. But you follow it up with an explanation that is very good- of childhood's past torn, weathered soiled and worn You got my interest now! The lines that follow are easy to understand and flow well. I think this is a great poem! If it needs 'polishing' it is only in those first two lines. Very nice. Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry I have no more to offer; it just doesn't need anything! smile, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-16 16:09:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Nancy...I absolutely love this poem! It is terse but very profound...it also has mystery which are attributes I think all poetry should have. However, not everyone can write like this. Sunlight dapples splash on purple tint, upon the door of childhood's past torn, weathered soiled and worn.................there is so much more to this than the words say...the implied is mysterious and makes this reader sit up and take notice and yearn for more. The notion of a childhood being torn, weathered, soiled and worn is heart breaking The reek of must behind that door much dampness and decay from dying dreams of innocence so deeply hid away.............the pathos in these lines is overwhelming to me. A child losing innocence and hiding away all the pains of the past is almost too painful to think about. I can almost smell the mustiness of dampness and decay..wonderful But still there's light; foreboding light that casts upon simplicity on shame and secret history.................I was hoping the end of this piece would be happy but even the light is foreboding....this child feels shame and no child should ever feel that and keep a deep secret that stabs at their heart no matter how long ago the painful deed took place. I do hope you are not writing this about yourself, it is bad enough that it could happen to any child. If it is your own experience then my heart bleeds for you. This wonderful poem is written with such emotion and passion that I have gone back and read it several times. Bravo for this and a bunch of red roses at your feet. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-11 22:22:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy, How very poignant this well flowing poem of yours. Your illits are stunning, so ample in their discriptions, so soul bareing in the telling. Sadly I believe many have a secret childhood history, a secret shame that is never voiced or the thought shared. Thank you for such a well written sobering poem. Warmest always, Lora
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