This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-16 15:25:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Dirt Devil Sizzling sun bears down on the etched
earth disturbed only by a sporadic zealous
breeze. A bald eagle soars aloft, eyes in an
aquiline head, vigilant for prey.
A taupe and ivory Antelope with pronged crown
moseys across the tundra. The only sound in this
simple scene is the soft scruff of tumbleweed as
it sweeps a path across the pallid plain.
A surprise gust of Zephyr spawns an eddy of wizened soil.
A staunch and jaunty dirt devil emerges. He skips
happily, whirls with abandon, spinning like a
tiny twisting typhoon.
Determined to excite a dirt blizzard with his tapered tail
he gyrates and birls but begins to fizzle. His taut torso opens
wide as he strives to stay alive, subdued his zeal returns to dust.
His antics only a hazy memory in the wizard sun.
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Copyright © June 2006 marilyn terwilleger
Additional Notes:
An old poem...written in 2004
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-07-04 18:51:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Hi Marilyn,
Good chance to read this poem of yours before the end of the voting period. I am afraid I will miss out some of the June poem submissions because I may run out of time. Anyway, I came across with this poem before and still amazed by the way you descibed things/nature. You must be living in a place abundant of God's gift of nature. Wyoming, right?
Take care and Happy Holiday!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2006-06-22 11:28:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
I like this one from the "treasure chest." Good descriptive poem, and a great ending line. Love that "wizard sun."
When I hear "Dirt Devil," i think the vacuum. A real nature boy I am. :)
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-06-20 19:53:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn,
You've given me a glimpse of another part of the U.S., I've not seen, by living in the northeast.
It's an amazing scene, of natural elements blended with descriptives that show the reader what the poet sees.
Through your imaginative style of writing, I see the bald eagle, hear the tumbleweed, spy the dirt devil
(which all this time I thought was a small vacuum), and follow the antics of these animals of prairie life.
I don't remember reading this one in '04, but I read so many I can't recall all of them.
The art of writing, is to bring life to words, with placement, descriptives and pure imagination.
In this poem I feel you've achieved success in doing so. I've learned something today and I thank you.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-18 13:27:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
Wonderfully discriptive write, well metered and an easy flowing read. I must ask though, about your choice of the word "tundra" for the area you've discribed does not fit geographically with the word tundra. Also, perhaps in place of the word "torso" you could use a word like funnel, for dirt devils/dust devils are formed like and out of funnel clouds and can be quite awesome as they grow and spin on the open plain. We have quite a few of them here, sometimes way off in the distance you can see them form during our monsoon season. As a child in the southwest, myself along with other children used to try to get in the center of them and catch the small bits of paper and things they'd pick up.... I loved your discription of this and of course of the antelope. It seems there are so few places left where nature is as created. I can not pick online out of all for they are equal in there differnces and need each other to work your magic. Thanks for an enjoyable read, hope you don't tinker too much with this, wouldn't want you to loose the flavor of the write.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-17 15:35:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh yes! I can relate with this! Dirt devils pop up around here all the time. I am also very familiar with tumbleweeds. I'm glad you included them as part of the picture. I know that antelope still roam in Mo and in Ks. It always amazes me to see them standiing in the hot sun.
>>>: disturbed only by a sporadic zealous breeze....>>>good images..
A bald eagle soars aloft, eyes in an
aquiline head, vigilant for prey >> You really use alot of color. It's a nice touch. I think 'aloft' is too far away from most of todays readers. It sounds right, but you could use 'above' or something like that instead.
I love your discription of a dirt devil! So right on to all of us who know what they are! I had a problem with 'his torso' though. I don't know any other way to describe it, but that makes it sound as if it is in some sort of structured body...body parts...etc. As if, when he returns he will have the same form. To me that sort of takes away the mystery. You could add more to that verse, or redefine 'torso' to clarify.
spinning like a
tiny twisting typhoon.>>>good descriptive words for those who have no idea about the 'lifeforms' of the plain.
I enjoyed this poem! I can especially appreciate your discriptive way of describing things with the use of color.
Very nice! Smiles, Ellen
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