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This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-06-25 17:18:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Solstice of Suffering

~ In this stagnant void of helplessness powerless to flee Fate’s cruel disdain Quaking chasms fill with emptiness spawning ceaseless stabs of searing pain Ambushed by privation, held at bay probing for some fragment of relief ‘Neath this barren breakdown’s forceful sway tremulous, I quail in my belief Fate belies its power onto me rendering me listless, battered, bare, shackled on the shores of sorrow’s sea echoing the silence of despair ~

Additional Notes:
As a few of you are aware, I have been going through a very rough time. We suffered a great loss in our lives recently, and this is just another step in my healing process. Thanks for reading :) (It's written in Catalectic Trochaic Penrameter)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-07-02 10:07:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I just love the poetry form you have chosen. It is so classical in feel and gives the subject just treatment I feel. Your use of the soft "s" sounds in your alliterations is soothing although I can truly feel the pain and emptyness of your heart, I can also feel the mending taking place. Slow and softly upon your soul. I love this type of writing, classic and it is like music ..your own inner music softly hummed. Thanks for sharing and take care. Nancy

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-07-01 16:50:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Mary, The sorrow seeps out of this like water's tears rolling down your cheeks. It is so hard to let go of a loved one! The only help is knowing their spirit lives on in your heart. I'm so sorry. It's wonderful to be able to express yourself poetically. It helps some. In this stagnant void of helplessness powerless to flee Fate’s cruel disdain This is the problem/we can't control anything actually. we must try and do our part, but the rest is beyond. we can be mad, sad, bad/whatever way we respond and we end with acceptance as our only recourse. god bless you and yours dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2006-06-27 22:13:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, This poem seems to flow out of you like a river. It is lyrical -has the quality of a pure singing voice. Most of all, you write with the utter sincerity of tragedy and pain. I do not know what loss you speak of here, but I know it is great. The silence you have broken by this poem, may add comfort to others that have experienced such loss. Feelings need language, of that I am sure. My condolences to you and your family. Terry

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-06-27 07:30:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Mary....this is an absolutely beautiful poem. It is written with great emotion and passion, and you have painted your profound sorrow into wonderful words of expression. To me writings such as this has a cathartic effect on the poet and I hope it does for you, as well. In this stagnant void of helplessness powerless to flee Fate’s cruel disdain Quaking chasms fill with emptiness spawning ceaseless stabs of searing pain.............oh how much I can feel pathos in these lines. The rhyming is spot on which seems to soften words like helplessness, powerless, cruel disdain, emptiness stabs of searing pain ..............I think one must experience a devastating event before they can pen these emotions...wonderful Ambushed by privation, held at bay probing for some fragment of relief ‘Neath this barren breakdown’s forceful sway tremulous, I quail in my belief....................outstanding lines....I love the use of 'quail' here and it so speaks of your feelings in a poetic way Fate belies its power onto me rendering me listless, battered, bare, shackled on the shores of sorrow’s sea echoing the silence of despair .....................such melancholy lines that make me want to weep, because I have been in the same despair. You may remember I lost my husband a few years ago. Even though he was ill for 10 years (the last two being the worst) I still was not ready when he passed away. Amazing poem that evokes such sorrow in my heart....however, it is well written, evocative, and the rhyme is musical. Well done...bravo.....and roses at your feet! Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-06-26 14:22:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
Hi Mary. I am so sorry for your loss. Your pain is evident here. I like the poem because it says so many of the painful things that we don't want to face-refuse to face-and yet you have done so in a way that allows me to 'feel' your pain without being 'swallowed up' by it. That's theraputic for us all. I think your second verse is the best. It boldly says what all of us feel at some point. "I quail in my belief" you have found a 'new' way to say it! Please don't let the echo of dispair carry you too far!!! Fate belies it's power onto me...yes that's pretty much helpless, but no fate, no tragedy, no sorrow, can hold you forever. I don't know what has happened to you, but I know that at the end of every battle there is one who wins and one who loses. I pray you are the winner! Please continue to write. You offer the rest of us some reprise from our own sorrows. Smiles to you! Ellen

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-06-26 08:08:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mary, Hi. You've used some very powerful words in this poem, to express your deepest feelings. You've chosen well, with: stagnant, cruel, emptiness, ambushed, barren tremulous, listless and despair. In my opinion, feelings can only improve from this standpoint in time. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I will keep you in my prayers for healing - complete in mind, body & spirit. Having overcome, my own personal tragedies in life, I can empathize with your feelings - and hope you gain sight of the positive things in your life soon. The fact that you are writing, getting in touch with the pain, is a good sign. Your poem is full of the sorrow you are experiencing, and touched my heart this morning. God bless & keep you well. Sincerely, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-06-26 03:34:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Mary, I am so sorry for the loss. I don't know how I can express myself but I am so sad and felt the pain of loss. I haven't really felt the real situation where I loss someone dear to me but I know in my heart how hard it could be. But good to know that you are recovering now. Nice title with "Solstice of Suffering"- the word "solstice" with the rhyming scheme somehow compensates the gravity of the suffering your poem depicts. Yes, sad to note that there is the existence of Fate’s cruel disdain, but I consider purposely. Your choice of words is strong to convey the true message. I especially like the way you write the last stanza, imageries are superb with matching assonance. Thanks for sharing this with us, Mary. Blessings, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-06-25 23:20:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Mary, This to me is perfection personafied, nothing more, nothing less, and my heart cries out for you and wish's it could help to ease the pain. Beautiful, poignant and perfectly penned. It is so amazing what is birthed from the depths of heartache and you've echo'd the sorrow's with out limits here. Thank you for honoring us with this work and introducing me to another poetic form. Kudos! Keep writing and I shall read. Warmest always, Lora

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