This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-03 19:22:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I Am Still An American

Once you were American standing tall with pride now you are a complex person and I can't see inside Your brothers-in-arms, (those that didn't make it home) are still standing with you, though to me you are alone. You watch from a distance in your best easy chair You  see the tv news cast, but you don't really care "The war is for those fighting, and those on the run Love is for living," ..unless your dreams are all gone. You gave your youth.. and your life.. to stop the enemy They fought with hatred against you and our democracy But we are one nation and these colors didn't run until we met with terror on nine one one. I still try to love my neighbor and believe they are good I don't really feed them though I know I should They come from other cultures and worship other gods they stand in the courtyards and challenge our laws. We think we are omnipotent belonging everywhere and certainly we are safe here between our  shores purple mountains majesty above the fruited plains and waves of golden grain sifted through the sands. But I am still American I will take the stand I will honor those who believed  and fought beside American men. When I lay my head down to a restfull sleep I thank God for tending over all  of His sheep I praise Him for the sacrifice His Son made and for the life of a soldier I never got to thank. And I am still American and proud of what we've done I will honor those who fought  beside American men.

Copyright © July 2006 Ellen K Lewis

Additional Notes:
I have a feeling you guys will tear me up about gender specific words. I feel the same honor for all our soldiers, men and women....however it is very cumbersom to include both sexes with each thought. (Female officers are still called "Sir".) If you have a comment on that please feel free to include it. I apologize to all who felt offended for whatever reasons. Thanks for reading and for remembering a vet today.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-08-06 21:31:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, All I can say is "you go girl" I'm right behind you waving the flag. I would not change one word of this, no nits from this reader. best, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-08-02 23:21:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I really do not have a critique for you just wanted you to know I stopped by, read your poem...I Am Stilll An American.....and to let you know it touched my heart deeply. Your words just flowed and the images you created with the flow of your pen and the emotions stirred both good and bad......indeed, we are Americans and we shall remain Americans and we thank God every day for His love and His guidance and I pray He continues to watch over those serving in active duty as we type back and forth to one another. My grandson just joined the Army and proudly I might add. Knowing the turmoil the world is in at present frightens me so much for him and for all that he will serve with. Thanks for posting, I really enjoyed the read. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2006-07-18 20:02:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ellen, You have taken a moment to thank and offer respect to the brave people of our world - in this case, an american soldier. The service of a soldier, from whichever country, is unrivalled by its patriotism, selflessness and courage. That a poet has chosen to voice this act of love is something all your readers must appreciate in this piece. Having said that, you might want to sit with this a while and iron it out. I would stress on the image of the soldier watching tv and build on that image of desolation...then, tightly use the freedom of the mountains and 'fruited plains' as a backdrop to further liven your theme. You might also want to make your rhyme more consistent. For example, I noticed an absence of rhyme in verse 5...which detracts from any rhythm you seek to build up. I saw good opportunities for enhancement of imagery - 'fruited plains, golden rain' etc which you could work with. 'purple mountains' is a tad cliche and you might want to reconsider this. All in all, a piece with a remarkable message and potential. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-08 23:00:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ellen...this is a great tribute to our fighting men and women and I have no reason to believe that you meant both genders when you wrote this. My husband was wounded in Korea...twice...and I have a granson who did a year in Iraq. So this poem says a lot to me. When my grandson went to Iraq I thought I would die. I told my son "I can't "do" war again." But he assured me I could and I did...we all did until he came thank God. I wish the war and the killing would end, as we all do, but the war we fight now is affecting us in every way...much more than other wars which never threatened our home land. You have written an important poem here and I hope many will read it. It is obvious to me that you wrote this with great passion. Well done. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-07-08 13:20:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Patriotic. I think this would "sound" better it it was titled "I AM an American." One doesn't have to apologize for being one. I don't really feed them though I know I should..."I don't really feed them though I know I could". Using should is a guilt thing. You also run between first and second person here...too cumbersome. Make it all first person...using "I" instead of "you". When I lay my head down to a restfull sleep I thank God for tending over all of His sheep I praise Him for the sacrifice His Son made and for the life of a soldier I never got to thank. I know that you are Christian, however not all Americans are! reference to "His Son". Unless you are referring specifically to one soldier/person that you know is a Christian, then I would drop that line. Arnie
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