This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-07-10 07:19:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Tender Duplicity ~
How like a serpent,
your craven character
behind the guise of grace
lies a cunning predator
carefully concealed
beneath a
virulent veil of deceit
that cloak of consideration
camouflages cold
pompous pettiness
those honeyed expressions
a fallacy
and as I turn away,
your double-tongued mouth
spews forth its
trenchant
gutless droppings of devious drivel
corrosive comments
pierce my psyche
with the spiteful thrust of a saber
spiraling into my back
yet,
I will not capitulate
to the slashing of its
sanctimonious slurs
as garnet ink begins to flow
pulsating
from vein to parchment
I’ll write the wounds away...
I see
through your smug masquerade,
and discard you
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Copyright © July 2006 Mary J Coffman
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-08-06 19:23:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
I've got a few characters in my past that I could say the same!
I love the way the words roll off your tongue like a knife slicing him
to ribbons.
The jerk!
Two faced/god's gift to woman! not.
So sorry he got you......some people you never want to meet!
I'll have to share this with my putz.
good job to say the least!
Spit em out!
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2006-08-04 09:37:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary,
the piece exudes anger and frustration wrapped in distain. Poetry is a great outlet for all the aforementioned and it lets the air out of the "gutless droppings of devious dribble" anger balloon, but it sometimes, when published, a bit harsh in the poetic sense. Not that poetry is not sometimes harsh, but when mixed with hurt, betrayal and outlandish behavior by someone close to the author, the outcome sometimes emotes a tinge of wishful vendetta. I believe the hurt expounded on here has been felt by many others, so maybe it's repetition in a literary mode is unappealing on occaision. Your construct is good, verbiage is sharp and clear along with a crystal clear message. My best to you, Peace, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-08-02 20:03:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
wow!! harsh! and well done indeed. I love the way you play with language without loosing the meaning and making it into wonderful images for the reader..sorry for the short critique, not going for points..LOL..just wanted you to know I was here and read. Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-08-01 11:40:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mary,
This, although intense with the hatred of another, was an enjoyable read. I can relate to much of what you have written, being confronted by persons as such, in my own life. There is hope written at the end of this piece, with "discard", of this toxic person from your life.
No one person, has the right - to demean, control, or abuse any other person for their own simple gratification.
You've chosen your wording well - and it adds to the appeal of the read - bringing out the full force of emotion in each separate verse.
Nothing that I can offer here, as to changes - I like it just the way you've written it.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-26 00:22:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88571
Awesome! I am breathless. Your word choices roll on the tongue with crisp, new sensations. I love the sentence structure.
the guise of grace
cloak of consideration........wonderful!
gutless droppings of devious drivel ...I have to say this line really made me laugh. It's cool because even in reading those words, you have to 'spit them out' ....
I’ll write the wounds away...tenderness peeps in
and discard you......and shows it's strength!
Nice work poet! This is a great work. I really like it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-07-13 16:21:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary--A highly emotional charged satirical write. Protagonist
caustically derides some beguiling from a now proven source.
Speaker inference she will not sink to this low level/nor be-
come a willing victim;
"...yet,
I will not capitulate
to the slashing of its
sanctimonious slurs"
And sweet redemption;
"as garnet ink begins to flow
pulsating
from vein to parchment
I’ll write the wounds away..."
Well written, albeit, damning work. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-07-11 16:00:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary....WOW I don't know where this one came from but it is just fablous. I have know people I would have liked to say these things to but not quick enough to think of them! This is written with profound anger but at the same time it is filled with emotion and passion which makes me keep returning to read it again and again. Your word choices are stunning to say the least. The ending "I see through your smug masquerade and discard you" is so final...like saying goodby and never turning back for a response or caring if you ever get one. This is wonderful and is on my list.....bravo...and a dozen red roses at your feet!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-07-10 08:37:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
OH wow, this hit like a ton of bricks, how many times can one encounter a person such as you've described and walk away unscathed. Unless a person is totally cold hearted it is far to easy to succumb to these denisons of glib tonque and faux sincerity. Your verbiage and flow are perfect for this poignant work and I must say as I read I found myself becoming irritated that such persons seem to get away with so much then as I often do I looked inward to make a check list to be sure that I myself do not come across as this type of person *smile*. I am so glad that you wrote and posted this, it was a validation for me that others have encounter these types of people (some most recently). Thank you for offering such a heart felt well penned powerful write.
Best always,
Lora
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