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Colour Choices I realize that I was, and still am at times, one of those people wishing for a better life, the definition unknown sometimes varied and always blurred. I have spent years just waiting for what? Something that was just going to magically transform my life or that special person to come along and rescue me? I bet you have been there? Standing on the side of your road waiting for your knight in shinning armor.Problem being all knights tend to tarnish along with childhood fairy tales. So I have decided to put those children’s books back on the top shelf and go revisit the library. The one thing I know for sure is I am not alone along this path. Stumbling over all the if onlys and the what ifs. My greatest regret now a days is in all the time I spent tripping over wanting to be somewhere else on my life’s path and yes, even wishing I was anyone else but me, insignificant, unattractive, unlovable me!! So there I stood, still longing for answers, wishing for spiritual enlightenment, for an awakening. All along too dam scared to turn on the light and see it all right there in front of me. If only I had chosen to open my eyes and my heart and not given into the fear. The fear of ridicule, of rejection, of change. For change is so frightening isn’t it? We long for it, but it is that first giant step along the way, that starting point that is the doozy! I have figured out not too long ago that we all live in our own reality and can paint it with the colours that we choose. That we are free to pick from two basic colour pallets. The first one vibrant with colours of life. Rainbow colours of excitement, of openness, eagerness and love. That box of paints we were given as children. For then we took them eagerly, innocently, without fear and gladly drew freehand upon the world without a second thought until the one day we were told to grow up and found out that there are borders that were to be established and maintained. That was the time we stopped colouring outside the lines leaving the magic behind. The second colours are ones of a darker pallet, submerged in grayed down shades of sadness, solitude, despair, the blues of melancholy and bondage and the dark wrenching reds of regret. I am learning to choose my colours carefully now, patiently, gingerly, for the portrait I wish to display to this world not only effects this painter but all who look upon it. My wish is that my canvas be an never ending work of art. One that will be appreciated for its uniqueness and for its multi layered hues. A mix of shades, some subtle and soft, some dark, some light, others vibrant and bold, with many smudged outside the lines. Life is such a study in complexity and balance but it is my life to live and live it I shall. Free to be me, to make my mistakes, learn my lessons and to love and believe in what and whom I wish. For I want to be able to stop at the end of this life, hang my canvas and be proud of what I see, that one of a kind masterpiece that is really me! I need to be sure in the knowing that when I leave this Earth, somewhere along my life’s path, I have managed to leave many strokes of vivid colour on the people I have touched along my way. |
Additional Notes:
this is a prose piece..essay like ..hope this is ok to post on sight. I had to break up the lines this way for it to seen within the window. and also the word "colours" is spelled the Canadian way..eh!! LOL..
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-08-12 14:56:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
An ardious undertaking of quite some magnitude here, very heart felt. I've enjoyed your vivid verbiage and the wanderings of your mental paths, have rode many of those waves myself. I'm am quite sure that you will be leaving inumerable strokes of vivid colour on the people you've touched along your way, especially this person. It has been a pure pleasure in getting to know you through your writing, we are so honored to have you entrust us with such intimate and close felt writings, thank you.
warmest always,
Lora