This Poem was Submitted By: Shannon M Bloomquist On Date: 2006-09-04 18:41:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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we're all fighting against each other and against the world an uphill battle some of us are on the same team you know because  we're the ones who share a drink pass the bowl and sleep in one anothers' beds we open our arms when someone has a success when someone needs to just cry and cry and cry and- we open our hearts open our legs part hoping to help part hoping to heal part hoping to find love family we live in tiny apartments but throw big parties anyway we write poetry when we're alone never show anyone but secretly hope someone finds it finds us finds out how deep we really are how beautiful we get crushes we get angry but we all end up together on the weekends (or the weekdays) drunk high  horny happier than we remember being last week because we're together sitting on the floor eating cold pizza drinking cheap beer talking about nothing solving the world's problems being poor living this crappy life all because when we look around see our faces reflected back at us we know absolutely for sure this this this is a hell of alot better than trying to go at it alone.

Copyright © September 2006 Shannon M Bloomquist

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-09-13 15:36:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi poet.....thanks for posting and welcome to the site. Enjoyed the images you have presented with the flare of your pen such as the time spent with friends/family eating cold pizza and drinking cheap beer...........all that is afforded at the time is just as good as an expensive sit down dinner just so long as you are sharing this with someone you enjoy being with. Life is full of ups and downs and it is always nice to have someone there with you along the way. Good structure, word flow, lots of food for thought. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-09-12 00:07:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Sharon, There is much to be said of friendship/companionship! I think as you age one cares more of quality of time and waste of time and energy. [me] I'd rather be alone than to be with just anybody. They must be of value to me. Of course you say this, just a different way. Younger, I needed to do all things above to validate my existance. Interesting truth filled thoughtful examination of life and personal relationships. I've felt as you at times. I like the one long sentence of many all relating thoughts. Introspection of what is life's meaning? Interesting uncapped title. Simple but effective somewhat. Nice to meet you and step into another's world of thought. Good job, lets hear more! Excuse my's late..... Enjoyed your work. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-09-10 11:40:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Shannon, Welcome to TPL. I guess you've made your statement loud and clear, no doubts for you about what is or isn't. I did have a little difficulty with the free form, mainly because of the sentence placement I had to insert my own breaks from some of the thoughts. In "see our faces reflected back at us" perhaps to insert "we" in the beginning of this line would IMHO make it flow a little more congruently. I applaud your veracity and forthrightness, I remember days of pizza and beer-sitting around on the floor and even in my more mature years it still offers alot of release and revelation. Looking forward to seeing more of your work. Best, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-09-09 11:20:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Shannon, I really enjoyed your poem. It sounds like you've formed lasting bonds, friendships that help sustain you, in an otherwise, cold lonely world. That's great - hold onto them and keep doing these things that make you happy. I enjoyed the style of this write, clear, free verse that flows without hesitation. Makes it easy for the reader to comprehend and appreciate. Good word choice for imagery too, the readers mind can see this enfold, while reading through the poem. Really good job with this, I hope to be able to enjoy more of your writes. Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-09-08 09:11:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Shannon....welcome to TPL! This poem is an excellent offering for your first post here. It is well written and many will relate to it. It reminds me of the saying "No man is an island".....wich is so very true. Without family, without friends, what would our lives be like, what would our mental status be like? Sometimes solitude is a must but knowing we are not alone is also a must. I love the way you ended this is innovative and evocative and puts a period on the theme of this poem. Very well done....bravo....I will watching for your next poem. Cheers.....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-09-06 16:22:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Welcome Shannon. Yes your last line says what lot of us think yet are afraid to open up and share with each other which is our "feelings." You certainly laid it all out here. Line by line read very well. An easy read. I liked the title. It didn't say much but drew me in to read all. see our faces reflected back at us.........I would change that to "seeing"., and P.S.: We all don't lead crappy lives - some maybe more than others only because of life expriences, etc. P.S.S.: sounds and looks to me like you're a college student. Who else eats cold pizza on the floor???
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-09-05 16:54:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Quite a charming poem, Shannon. A very neat way to make your acquaintance. You have a talent in how you put your lines together and with the unusual rhyming you employ. Having no affectation in the least and an almost too casual way of relating us all into the warmth we feel in company of others we like, you attach us to "this", a concept better, perhaps, left no better elucidated. Anymore than would be that of brotherhood, felt in the most intimate way. It is so much more when it is not confined to family, yes it is, this is. JCH
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