This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-09-08 09:16:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Lady by the Sea

I saw her standing there facing the sea.  Her diaphanous gown draped with gentle folds in harmony with the breeze. She seemed poised for flight  like a long limbed ballerina. I saw the surf break into an avalanche of foam and felt fear that made me huddle and quake. Tumbling waves licking at caves mad and destructive. Her gown became a black shroud and her sins died in my bosom. I could not look at her face lest I see myself and become astonished.

Copyright © September 2006 marilyn terwilleger

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2006-09-16 09:03:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is such an apocalyptic piece that I could spend an hour trying to delve into your unresolved conflicts- or take it to sea in a vessel searching for the despot who will destroy civilization; rather, I will begin at the end, that of self judgment, for some, self loathing, who have yet to learn to forgive themselves. For some, forgiveness is difficult because they realize they have not changed from the person in judgment- at any rate- usually there is a singe, or series of events that causes the glasses to come off, and the monocle turned inward- it is the concrete nature of the event that creates substance in the insubstantial. Certainly, for most, it is seldom an absolute reflection rather a temporal view. I had hoped, in reading the woman would remain this ethereal wraith, this sensual protagonist; and from that leave watching her fawn at the lost love, or present love that drew her to her suitor, the sea. You did well in preparing me for the judgment. A shroud usually symbolizes either death or deceit, I feel that both are present in you “sins died in my bosom”, where the death is a metaphor for life slipping away unfulfilled, and the deceit is the judgment that the woman has been deceiving herself; believing the death is not true. And in the end, apocalyptic vision, finds its antagonist within the mirror. excellent piece, quite well done.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-09-10 19:10:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, I find myself being the lady by the sea. The sea of life. Lovely at times and wickedly difficult too. I'm very afraid and I hate to see my vulnerabilities. Backbone less I cringe under the cover of darkness. Ashamed of my gutless demeanor. And being this creature of habits, I'm slow to learn .......if ever. Good self analytical work. Love the picture you drew. Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-09-10 11:33:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ah Marilyn, I like the reaching you've done with this offering, going outside the box, strectching your imagination and feelings. A couple of small things that through me: Tumbling waves licking at "caves"; do you mean "caves" or "calves", wondering since you are predominately speaking of "her" and not the landscape, and and her sins died in my "bosom" so you mean "bossom" as in breast/chest? I enjoyed this haunting read, the feel is ever present with most people/women when in that "unusual" place we sometimes go, the place that there is no name for, perhaps it is just in each of our introspection. Line placement IMHO may need a bit re-arrangind but it is overall a very senuous while somewhat sad and mystical read, sort of like slipping into a cloud. Well done...this one lingers on the mind. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2006-09-08 11:39:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
I don't think you're that Lady 'cause you don't live by the sea. This is a dark and somber poem. I do believe though you are looking at yourself and absorbing some blame. I do believe you were "atoning"? Tumbling waves line in wonderful. I do have a problem with your line breaks. I saw the surf break into an avalanche of foam and felt fear that made me huddle and quake For me it would read much better like this: I saw the surf break into an avalanche of foam and felt fear that made me huddle and quake And you don't need those periods! Period!
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