This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-10-20 18:56:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Illusionary

I joined with the masses and learned all the rules. I believed and obeyed unaware I could choose. I was taught: eat, walk, talk, play, work, think and relate. Other's ideas from eons past overflowed on my plate. As player in the game I seemed set up to lose. I was so far from right as was the daily news. Political clamors of moral twisted wrong  pushes opposite's to spar until everything is gone. All facets of truth's facts I need never defend. As we live out our time to false reality's end.

Copyright © October 2006 Dellena Rovito


This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-10-31 11:31:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I joined with the masses and learned all the rules. I believed and obeyed unaware I could choose. Those are two very great lines! Those words can apply to almost everybody at some time or another. I really like those two lines. I was taught: eat, walk, talk, play, work, think and relate. Other's ideas from eons past overflowed on my plate. Now what of these? The first line is clear and smacks with truth. The second line however, feels forced and seems to comic the thought. Political clamors of moral twisted wrong pushes opposite's to spar until everything is gone. How true! Those two lines could become another poem in their own rite! All facets of truth's facts I need never defend. As we live out our time to false reality's end. I like what those lines say, but they are a tongue twister for sure! I don't know if you can find a way to make them move more smoothly or not. I think they need something.....Also, do you realize the transition from I to We? I don't know if that is anything to consider, but wanted you to know I am paying attention (smile). Thanks for sharing! Ellen


This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2006-10-28 12:12:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena--A caustic offering speaking to the beguiling of protagonist. In my opinion, this entity feels that conforming was a bill of goods sold under false pretense; proper moral values aren't modeled by the highest of the high (political/religious leaders). This candid write is well written, although, pessimistically; "All facets of truth's facts I need never defend. As we live out our time to false reality's end." Scribe has limned the essence of using all means necessary to discern a "conscious/conscience-truth:" a truth with which one can personally take responsibility for through "free will." Thanks for sharing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-10-22 19:15:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Dellena I love the ideas here. I also am a big fan of form, and your structure here is great: you do the slant rhyme thing really well. However (you knew there'd be a 'however', didn't you??) I think you've let yourself down here with the scansion. It's really bumpy from S1L3 onwards. I think that's a shame because you've taken on a modern issue with essentially modern diction but it's just a little less lilting than it should be ... and that here is a function of the way the lines scan. Best as always Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-10-22 13:36:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi D....this is a very thought provoking poem and one I read more than once. You are so right, even when we know all the rules and play by most of them we can still never understand what the truth really is. I like this terseness of this piece. It says what it has to without belaboring the point...I like that. Your last line....all facets of trugh's facts I need never defend. as we live out our time to false reality's end.......very true....sad but true. You did an excellent job with this poem. Best....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2006-10-21 19:18:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena, I like the emotion in this one and there is a very obvious presence of a cage wrapped around these lines. You allude to a very stark reality in today's world on a literal and spiritual level. Millions of us find ouirselves programmed to live a certain way, tuned to what is told to us while a stopper on our hearts and minds renders us frozen in belief and outlook. We become puppets just like the character in this poem (which might be you). I see the blindfolds....sometimes...that's all we ever see. I like the rhyme here, Dellena....however I might relook this line 'pushes opposite's to spar until everything is gone.'...until everything is gone seems to be here for want of a better phrase....it takes away from the solid substance and might seem quite vague :-) Looking forward to readin more. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-10-21 07:29:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Those coming aware are children of innocence just as much as those entering their first year of school. With a very tight and traditional rhyme pattern, you enjoin the reader to the perplexity of discovering just how little we partake in our own destiny/formation. I might have broken the form just a little just to further suggest a newly acquired distaste for the same trends that mold us form can represent. But we all rebel in our own ways. JCH
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