This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-10-21 21:31:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sky Scraping

Mountains grow upended                              crown capped by baby blue. Vaporous breaths form creamy dollop dropped cloud fluffs strung as a pearl necklace around the collar                               of a pulsating vibrantly alive planet Earth. Each monumental existence                               is comprised of rocks which plethora's of music resonate from within. To the rhythm of time’s evolutionary prance     across the land swaying hand in hand, the mountains dance. When power and matter's reciprocal action curvatures down              the  heights grandiose shall erode to ground.                     Mountains come and then they go.

Copyright © October 2006 Dellena Rovito


This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2006-11-08 23:35:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow Dellena you are the Queen of Adjectives in this one! Reading each line is like working through a complex maze before getting to the drift. You might make the path a bit easier for poetic clutzes like me, by rearranging phrases like: "Vaporous breaths form creamy dollop dropped cloud fluffs" to maybe "vaporous breaths drop creamy dollops of cloud fluffs". Or that line "across the land swaying hand in hand, the mountains dance." Swaying hand in hand, the mountains dance across the land, sort of separating the "a" sounds a bit. This way I don't start contorting my mouth in a Fonzy like "eh" while I'm reading it. Ok I never considered that you may be too young to remember the Fonz. Ok well then, let us part from that particular thought at this point. That interesting "?" addition in the middle of "times" kind of makes me scrunch up my nose and ask myself if I posess the poetic talent to actually critique this with any verbally redeeming value of my own. Does that make sense? Well of course not, but I said it anyway, cuz.. well.. I didn't know what the heck else to make of it, except that it's cool and bold and, well, out there. That line "When power and matter's reciprocal action curvatures down the heights.." is really creative. Ive never seen curvature used as a verb like that but it seems to work none the less in this cyclic ballad of nature's phenomenons. So like, anyway, the eloquence, prissiness of the font, and the euphoria of verbage intrinsically come together in quite a grand performance here! Like the mountains, critiquers come then they go, and fortunately the parting of some (as in my case) is probably a welcoming sight... Good work Dellena - enjoyed the ride Cheerz, Terrye


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-11-01 09:14:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
In geologic time, uplift, and its causes are pronounced. To appreciate this poem one must fathom that. Alas, few are versed well in earth science, just as they are in most anything else. You've really committed the ultimate sin in the anti-intellectual's eyes, with your vastly above average use of language here, Dellena. Your multiple modifiers (now you have me doing it) are a real flag to the Arnie bull. I wonder how many will find the illusion of "mountains growing upended" as interesting as do I. Or imagine how everything must come to "dance" in time before Nature's forces. The monuments of Ozymandias and mountains, "comprised of rocks" are nothing more. And in comparison, momentary beauty of the earth's "pearl necklace" of clouds (so amazingly in contrast) can indeed carry as much, though in moments, as mountains in geologic time. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-10-29 04:10:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, this is lovely! Your word choices are complicated, and yet it is lyrical and definitive too. You have a unique perspective. I love the way you can take something as grandois as a mountain, and after it's glowing review you bring it down to earth again. A great metaphor, as deep as it is high, with many levels to ponder. I think your punctuation is a distraction but as always, punctuation is a matter of choice. It is a lovely piece anyway and I thank you for sharing it! I like it alot. Keep them coming, my friend, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2006-10-23 18:26:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dellena, This is beautiful! It's wonderfully formatted - the spacing really does emphasize the poem effectively. I especially appreciate the poem's theme. Mountains grow upended crown capped by baby blue. Vaporous breaths form creamy dollop dropped cloud fluffs --splendid alliteration here strung as a pearl necklace around the collar of a pulsating vibrantly alive planet Earth. -- Yes! Each monumental existence is comprised of rocks which plethora's of music resonate from within. (plethoras) To the rhythm of time’s evolutionary prance across the land swaying hand in hand, the mountains dance. --beautiful assonance When power and matter's reciprocal action curvatures down the heights grandiose shall erode to ground. Mountains come and then they go. Your final line says so much. Even the most "grandiose" structures are limited in time, and to living processes. I love the way you've woven science into this artform - it's splendidly done. Favorite phrase: "time's evolutionary prance" This poem sings! My best to you, Joanne
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