This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-11-16 17:06:32 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Ode To Winter I watch breathless to see my lover
keeper of the sky
his hunting bow is very clever
when he lets his arrow fly.
Ohh, the air is so vibrant and clean!
breath deep and be high
partake of the wonderous feeling
I love a winters' night sky!
Orion standing there, with his dog
faithful friend he is
Seven sisters shine under a fog
Try to deny us their kiss.
Hercules bids his neighbors to stay
Zues who makes them fall
Andromeda and the Milky Way,
The Dippers, both big and small.
If it not for winter who would care
pleasures of Spring days?
how deep is the love that lights them there
from somewhere far away?
I have no choice but only to wait
watching for the time
when He will open up Heavens' gate
and we'll all begin to shine.
I love the breadth of the winter sky!
Day and night it dreams
of things to come and things gone on by
and hope for the things not seen.
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Copyright © November 2006 Ellen K Lewis
Additional Notes:
I know you guys are going to love this with all it's presumptuos statements!.. So notice that the lines are counted equally and from verse to verse. On the prairie and near the plains the sky goes on forever, and as far as the eye can see. I really do love it!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-05 23:48:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53333
Poet I so enjoyed the read; the flow of the words; the images created; the lessons learned with the starsabove.........good job and again, well presented. Thanks for posting and for sharing. God Bless, Claire There is so much within the lines that it is a piece worth reading over and over again........
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-12-03 22:29:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Ellen,
Very picturesque, quite eloquent. My only nit is: you've used the word "sky" three times, stanza 1,2, & 7. You need to find replacement words for two of the "sky" words. I know for some this is a small nit however it is something to remember- don't duplicate nouns, try to find alliterations or synonyms when possible.
I've seen the prairie sky and you are absolutely correct, it can appear to go on forever.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-11-29 01:24:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Ellen,
Nice.....looking at the heavens and you involved with it all.
Like it's home. You are a star in the cosmos!
[Zeus]
[breathe or breath?]
Rhyming good but kiss/is off a bit. maybe use [this]?
The first/third line rhyme scheme is subtle.
Lovely job sharing your joy.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-11-17 08:54:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I really like the metor and rhyme scheme you have used to bring this piece along. Lovely images and the reader can well tell of your love afair with prairie. Thank you for the beautiful tour through your eyes and your words. nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-11-16 17:30:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, Ellen, you are indeed correct about the count (pedic) of your
poem. But that's not it's grandest quality. You turn the lines with
such lyrical precision, songwriters would be envious. Once you correct
the spellings, breathe for breath (the verb form)and Zeus for Zues,
you're on the way with this one.
Your last verse is my favorite, though perhaps not the best. Of course,
that would be the first. You've given me a new way to look at The Archer.
I think you could write lyrics with the best of them.
JCH
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