This Poem was Submitted By: Deborah L Bird On Date: 2006-11-28 10:35:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © November 2006 Deborah L Bird
Moonlit walks on sandy beaches.
Peaceful and warm.
Water splashing over our feet,
Tickling and lapping at our toes.
Time stands still for one moment.
We know we are destine to be together,
As our love becomes as large as the sea.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-12-06 11:26:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
I like this little poem of announced love and realization. I like how first the water touches the two , like the start of love and then it eventually engulfs you into itself as love does and you become a whole different being.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-03 16:38:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Deborah and thank you for posting and sharing this with us. I was able to see and feel the water from the ocean as you walked together allowing it to lap at your toes......reaching out and touching mine.
You made me want to hold my breath with Time stands still for one moment......indeed you two belong together and your love shall through eternity. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-11-29 10:04:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi, Deborah. I think this is the first time I have read any of your work. I'm not dissapointed a bit! I like this little ditty of love. Your word choices are good. Walking on the beach is always a romance, under the moon. I truely like the last line the best. I think you have a typo(?) where you used the word destine.
I love the last line! Nice work! Thanks for sharing it with us. I look forward to reading more of your work. Shine on poet, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-11-28 15:54:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Hi Deborah....what lovely words you have written! I am a fan of the terse poem as compared to some that are very long. Sometimes the long or epic poems seem to lose their punch near the ending. Of course those that don't are well remembered. A love such as you describe here only comes along once in a life time. We may have others but there is always that certain someone we never forget. Two souls that are intertwined can last forever. Beautfiul poem and if you are speaking from your own relationship or marriage you are very lucky!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-11-28 15:27:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Lovely, love is wonderful!
I feel the sand between my toes.
The lapping's warm/wet on my feet/ankles....
Moments engraved on the mind forever.
If only those moments were every moment what a pleasant world this would be.
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