This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-12-11 09:18:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Colors

Kaleidoscope of colors, like loose shards of glass, ignite  inside my brain Their hot reflections  brand patterns of confusion that besiege my laggard mind and startle my soul

Copyright © December 2006 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-04 19:15:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Marilyn,hello. Was this written in a dark moment? I find it hard to resist picking it apart! This just doesn't seem like you! 1) how is it that glass can ignite inside your brain? I guess really without that information, it is hard to relate it to anything else. Shards are easy to picture and their colors and reflections too. I like the line 'startle my soul'... I don't know what else to say. I thought of passing on by and choosing not to crit' but that's not fair! So, I'm going to have to tell you; this poem doesn't do anything for me. It feels confused, and unfinished. Sorry about that. It's the best I can do. Still, thanks for sharing! Smiles smiles smiles, Ellen


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-04 11:22:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Marilyn, Spectacular, your verbiage choices are phenomenal and make for a unique read. This resonates with all that is life, the color of, very enjoyable. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-12-27 11:35:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The kaleidoscope is a sensual trigger to the eyes, glimpsing back our budding infant exposures to the wonders of perspective. Your poem well portrays this and the way our sensual aspect retains a love for such stimuli. In an interesting and almost arresting choice of words, i.e., "besiege", "laggard", you give relevance further to the dramatic last line, "startle my soul". Definitely a case where little is more. Brought back my own childhood recollection of those first memories of a Christmas tree. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2006-12-22 22:05:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, And color has meaning..... Your brain shows alertness/energy/emotion........now let each one express itself. You may be surprised. Startle to th mind soul sounds real good. Let you love burst through.... Hugs Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-12-16 08:43:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, This is simply amazing! The simple title (perfect by-the-way) doesn't prepare you in the least for the juicy meat of this poem. Your vocabulary in this is wonderful. I love how you open with the word "kaleidoscope," as it floods the mind with wondrous images of the entire spectrum of colors. What a fantastic follow-through on the title! LOVE the "shards of glass ingnite my brain" metaphor you use here, as well. But, your second stanza, and last two lines, are my absolute favs! "Brand patterns" is excellent! And, I love the word "besiege" here...perfectly stated. Also, love the word "laggard" as it puts one in a relaxed state only to be "reawakened" (startled) by the last line. I adore it, my friend! So much vivid imagery in so few well chosen words! Kudos to you! Goes on my list, for sure! Warmest regards, Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-11 18:17:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Poet this is very well done and it seems to me you are describing what takes place in my own head once my sight is gone. First there is a rainbow of lights then a veil of gray then it is like I can see veins running through my brain and as the colors begin to brighten the vision returns........at first if used to confuse my mind and my soul but once told it is a cardiovascular problem in which the sight will one day leave and not return I always look for those colors..........just in case they are the last I may see. I do pray this is ot happening to you with the kaleidoscope of colors you see ......take care, thanks for sharing, very vivid in color and sight......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-12-11 09:56:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Some thoughts: Colors kaleidoscope (we know there are loose shards of glass inside, so don't say it) Their hot inflections Interns of my beige confusion Who besiege my laggard head Startle my constellations Lap at the shades of my soul. Even simply removing the word "like" works. I like the start. Play. t
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