This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-09 12:50:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Scarlet and Snow
dawn awakens
summoning a sleepy sun
while winter’s opaque curtain lifts
revealing an opening scene
owing to reflection of incident light
cloud petals softly fall
from heaven’s ample stow
breath of angels stirs stilled trees
fleeting
as if spirits passing through
air aglitter
like sparkling apparitions
on their way to meet daybreak’s first light
a splash of ruby red
as wings waft through branches
while prattling his saucy salutations
to mystical morning melodies
heed his wintersong
he croons of pristine splendors
winged journeys have unveiled
singing the grandeur of his realm
now clad in the opulence
of winter’s clothes
weaving through brushwood
alighting to pause,
performing his aubade
atop glistening sequined boughs
a single scarlet drop
upon a frosted stage
~ |
|
Copyright © January 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
Aubade - An open air concert in the morning, a composition suggestive of morning.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sharon J Eisenmann On Date: 2007-02-03 08:34:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow Mary!
This is most glorious!
I have to begin by thanking the Artist who
gave you this beyond lovely scene to describe
in the first place. Talk about perfection!
And you descibe it so slendidly.
I'm humbled by reading it.
I also learned a new word-Aubade.
The birds of the air know this joyful song.
Twas only new to me.
Thank you for the melody and vision.
Sharon
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-02-02 19:26:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Oh Mary,
This poem, takes my breath away! What a beautifully written piece that truly captivates me.
You have, verse for verse, written one of the best poems I've read this month. Imagery, tops the list -
in unique lines, that paint the poem before my eyes.
I hope you realize, that this creation deserves applause - for thought, and for the powerful impact it has on the reader.
My best to you with this poem.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-02-02 09:44:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Mary, I must say your title sets me us up for a “splash†of excitement. You didn’t let us down. Opening you speak “dawn awakensâ€- wow, so much from eternity past to this morning, metaphors beyond the known and suspected jump to the mind- a splendid opening line.
As you speak, it is almost a visual whisper, of “opaqueâ€, “curtain liftingâ€, “incident lightâ€, and we are left waiting to see what is behind that curtain. Adding the anthropomorphic character to the sun is a nice touch- the steamy, hot, sizzling star (sol), “sleepyâ€. Nice.
The “cloud petalsâ€, “heaven’s stowâ€, “stilled treesâ€, “angels stirring†provide us the “spirits passing… aglitterâ€. This is wonderfully warm, and yet poignant visions.
When you spiritualize the piece on an individual basis- it works stunningly “sparkling apparitions†those “spirits†adrift. Well done.
The “splash of ruby redâ€- takes, as your title suggests, the dark and the snow and adds a color that opposes and accents the mornings light/life, and then we have fun!!-
“wings waft†“prattling his saucy salutations†“mystical morning melodies†“wintersong†– ah the sound of the consonants accenting, and the visuals accenting, and the song singing- then to lead us “croons of pristine splendors†“winged journeys unveiled†– it is as if we have walked this morning with you, you allowed us this privilege.
The concert the “abade†atop “glistening boughs- a nice reference to the soulful tones of a cello or violin- splendid analogy. There the sparkling snow is “sequined boughs†leads us to the “frosted stage†as we leave the theater enthralled by a stunning performance. Excellent poem. Completely enjoyed the walk.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-28 11:41:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Mary, this is beautiful! The angels stirring the trees, the clouds dropping petals...
air aglitter
like sparkling apparitions
on their way to meet daybreak’s first light
a splash of ruby red.........I'm not sure if these line breaks were intended, but I don't think they are needed to get that awesome picture presented.,
clad in the opulence of wintrs clothes...lovely discription
This is one of those poems that you read again just to savor it's loveliness. I really lik it aot. I am an avid bir watcher and I often get out at dawn to see 'who' is coming today...your poem is lovely! Thanks for sharing, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-01-16 01:11:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
You sound happy to be alive, the world coming through your particular view
is quite delightful and lovely.
What redbird is this sashaying through your poem?
This is rereshing as the morning dew.......
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-10 19:01:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
I'm in awe, maybe even a bit green eyed. I love your verbiage and the scenes you've painted for us, I could not paint as pictursque a rendering of this beautiful site as you've done with pen, I'm afraid my canvas would end up just looking like a white ghost with blobs... You've really put the awe back into winter scenery,perhaps I would liken this to a "Rockwell" in words.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-10 05:40:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Simply breathtaking your words create such a scene of mystical beauty.........you have beautifully described morning at its best breaking over Mount Tully here where I live..........the sound of the morning birds as they begin to sing their praise to God above for all His love; the big old pine trees covered with first fall of fresh winter snow, the glitter of the sunlight as it touches each bough......indeed
a single scarlet drop
upon a frosted stage
Thank you so very much for sharing this with us; looking forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-09 15:52:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Mary...I do believe this is one of your finest poems! It is soft and lovely with word choices that give us beautiful images of the wonders of winter. I love "cloud petals" simply superb and I wish I had thought of it. "breath of angles stirs still trees" have delicious 's' sounds that are pleasing to the ear. Describing the looming sun as a single of drop of scarlet on a frosted stage is such a poetic thought. There are many great poets...Frost and Stevenson come to mind that could not have written a more beautiful and enticing poem....bravo and a bunch of red roses for you!!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-01-09 13:48:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
That "splash of ruby red", "a single scarlet drop/upon a frosted
stage" with wafting wings and wintersong, has to be a redbird. To
play amid your "glistening sequined boughs" with subtle wind to
produce illusion of "air aglitter".
A captured moment. One I have had but whose frame you've better
placed more upright upon the wall of my recollection."Mystical
morning melodies", "winged journeys", "winter's clothes"...no
better conjuration of winterland spell. Had one ever been so lapse
in observation as to have compared winter with the grave, you've
turned them on their head. And made the resiliance of life and
living more mindful to one prone to sometimes forgeting in what
only appears to cursory view as wasteland.
JCH
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