This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-13 07:01:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Sentience
faintly,
fingers brush bareness
skin touching skin
entangled in subtle surrender
mouth upon mouth
savoring the succulent ripe fruit of your lips
quenching passion’s persuasive thirst
melding
into quivering coalescence
while lucent seeds of unspeakable joy
trickle down my cheek
a sudden spate of yearning
as flood tides tremble
erupting in cerise sensations
from burning nests of desire
an eternity
rapt in a moment
sinking me to my knees
slaked
and swallowed
in surfeited sighs
~ |
|
Copyright © January 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
Just in case....
spate - wave, rise in, increase
slaked - quenched, satiated, satisfied
surfeited - beyond capacity or desire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-24 04:30:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89286
Beautifully written, deeply felt, enjoyed the read, the thoughts, images, all of it.....thanks again for posting and sharing, God Bless and good luck in the contest. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-22 17:49:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary....well this one makes me need a cold shower! Superbly written it speaks of deep desire and is writen with style and grace. It is sensuous but not smutty, sexy but not dirty and to tell the truth I wish I had written...if I could remember back that far! Your word choices are excellent and the free verse just seems to slide down the page with great ease. You have every reason to be very proud of this write...fabulous. A standing ovation and a bunch of red roses at your feet!
blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sharon J Eisenmann On Date: 2007-01-17 17:53:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary,
This delectable poem leaves me feeling warm and satisfied.
I enjoy your use of alliteration and consonance and the soft
feel of your whispering 'f's and 's's.
This is my favorite part:
"a sudden spate of yearning
as flood tides tremble
erupting in cerise sensations
from burning nests of desire"
Thnk you for sharing this warm fuzzy accomplishment.
Sharon
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-01-15 15:33:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary; wow!! - and more. This is sensual, pervasive, and jumps out of the screen to become a part of the reader. "persuasive" "quenching", "erupting" and "burning" - the words are crafted quite convincingly, to the point that they take on an external, yes "sentient" life of desire.
I am a lover of fine verse that can capture the sensuality as much as the physical and spiritual comment such lovers might share.
It did not go unnoticed that it began faint; and "erupted". Splendid verse- of the genre, well enough crafted that it may rise as the cream of the month.
Not much a fan of an author doing the reader’s lexicon work; for me, if they don’t do the work, they don’t care about the verse, the author, or their personal improvement. Your vocabulary was near perfect in my opinion- (I would substitute for “spate†but not a distraction from the genius), let them discover it. I guess it’s just me.
At any rate: Great verse!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-01-13 11:02:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello, my dear, what are you doing tonight?
Well, what more can I say, left fumbling around on my own Al Bundy-like?
Breathtaking. Something appreciated more than you can know, unless you
come back next time around, as a man.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-13 09:11:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
Such a delicious pleasurable morning read, I'm still trying to catch my breath and still a racing heart beat. Some moments are pure gold, treasures that can not be replaced but only replayed in the mind. Your offering is not just sensual but filled with deep love, so telling...I guess all I can really say is wow.
Lora
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