This Poem was Submitted By: Deborah L Bird On Date: 2007-01-15 17:48:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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When Love Says Goodbye

Lovers cry Smiles fade Rain pours Clouds fall Flowers die Poetry forgotton Melodies silenced When love says goodbye

Copyright © January 2007 Deborah L Bird

Additional Notes:
I used no puncuation as there is no rhyme or reason when this happens to us..

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-20 18:30:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I pray this is not a personal feeling of sadness poet for I so felt your love as it bloomed before us here on the link. Each line says much Together they say it all Take good care, hope all is well, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-19 17:56:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deborah, I have read this over and over, and hesitated to write a review. This is such a heart felt piece one can feel the tears long after they've dried and almost hear the breaking of a heart. I just don't know what to say, the write it's self is near close to perfection, no nits there. If this is an actuality or not, you've elicited from this reader deep emotions, pulled at the heart strings, made me say to mayself "oh no" for what seemed so complete and true to fall so far... a union as wondrous as could be to be severed without rhyme or reason... the daze it leaves behind and all who care can not help but be caught in the wake of disenchantment. Your poem gives you roses at your feet, I have nothing to send that will mend a heart. Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-01-16 22:39:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deborah; so you captured the moment, the passions, the visual and the tangible- and took us to the spiritual and the inspirational- so few words, so much truth as for me- the darkness at times was my closest friend and you recall to me those days of tears and transcendence the pairings were well issues “lovers – smiles”, “rain – clouds”, “flowers – poetry”, - melodies is sort of left hanging, but it works with the end of the verse being “goodbye” A fine short piece- I will say for me- those times were actually great in productivity, but for others the barrenness remains insurmountable thank you for sharing
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-16 11:28:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deborah. This is a really cool poem! And, you're right-throw away the formalities and just 'let go of the pain' !! I enjoy a fresh take and yours is simple and bitter-sweet. I think you included everything-all the joys that are lost. Smiles, flowers, poetry and music! Perfect descriptions of love lost! Only one thing you forgotten I think-laughter?- Don't change your poem though! I really like it and it's going on my list of favorites for this month. It's just so simple, and so complete and done so easily-it deserves a star! Thank you for sharing! I'll be looking for more of your poems...smiles, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-01-16 00:00:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deborah, I am probably much older than you but I've had my share of heartache.....and what I've learned is that the most real lovingkind person to me is myself.' I've learned that if anyone doesn't want to be with me, I most certainly don't want to be with them. I value myself, like myself and I want that for me. Cause I'm worth it/otherwise I can be most happy alone. I love loving another and I love most that I see. A book for you...titled Love by Leo Busqualgia [spelling off]. It willhelp you. Your poem brings forth such sorrow I can recognize. So sorry so very sorry.... dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-15 20:26:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deborah, Short, succinct, and filled with raw emotion. Eloquent, in all its simplicity. This poem begs understanding and empathy. I have often felt that punctuation can actually disrupt the flow of some poetry at times. In this case, it adds to the sense of urgency, and the feeling of a constant onslaught of feeling. I like the two word unneeded jargon. Right to the point. Beautifully penned despite the doleful content. Thanks for sharing what seems to be a most "personal" write. Well done! Warmest regards, Mary
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