This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-23 16:55:08 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Marl and Blood

The hem is skulking grimy paths by day, her dress of black bears all the scars of taint. Its trembled cloth of rue is edged with fray; bleeding hands pick at every thread and feint. She falls astray while pieces fill with sorrow and sharp, pointed droplets of tears abound. She’s gripped with ague hidden while her morrow and all her sobs still struggle without sound. Her ebon gown of marl has long been soiled, she searches for a cloak of woven white. The soft, tempting gathers linger unspoiled, their unsullied folds in absolute light. With bloodless hands she sees promised dawn, she scrubs the black from rags once called a dress till all dyes are then like an echoed song. The days are filled with barkless trees’ caress; roots in ruin, intrepid winds take sins. Her soul holds her clean-swept ivory dress, and washes dye her body laid with sin; with her brow un-seamed, she takes a fain breath.          

Copyright © January 2007 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-31 07:41:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65714
Good morning, could not let the months's contest end without letting you know I have stopped by a few times to read this one and find it so different from your usual pieces that it is becoming priceless. Each read brings new images and thoughts associated with it. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-01-27 11:22:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The simile is seldom used as well in illusion. Had you have paralleled the seasons with the traipse of man upon this "marl", perhaps suggesting him something of a season unto itself...the results, my dear, would have been spectacular. That in mind, and this poem, and the title, The Fifth Season would have been a poetic triumph. It's not too late. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-27 08:26:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
Marilyn, The verbiage and figurative language in this is superb! So many well-turned lines in here, couldn't pick out any single favs. If I did, I'd be copy/pasting the whole thing! Despite the slightly uneven meter, this reads so well, and flows so nicely. Words like "skulking," "feint," "ebon," "marl," etc... give this such an ominous "air." Love your darker side, my friend! Well done! Thanks for sharing this gem with us, Marilyn. I thoroughly enjoyed this offering. Warm Regards, Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Michael BrokenSword On Date: 2007-01-26 17:54:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well, ok, Chey; guess since I already know a lot about this, how about I just highlight everything that is working, hey? The metaphor is developed with a good sense of tonal response, there is the sequencing and progression toward resolution. The images are tangible and accessable, the symbolism of a tried and true nature giving the reader some sense of familiarity. I like the word choice, find an almost absent cadre of abstraction and cliches--now, that didn't hurt much, did it??? Being a fan of formal poetry, I always have a soft spot for the rhyme and of course, interior sound. The verbiage is enhanced and edgy, adding to your tone. Hope you had fun with this! BrokenSword
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-24 12:25:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89286
Marilyn, What an awesome write. I know we are suppose to say things like that when giving a crit, but the truth is the truth. Your writing is taking on a whole new look to it, accomplished, learned and very deep. Great shades of Mell sneaking through, she'd be very proud of you. I can find no nit with this from meter to verbiage, it just blows me away. It is going to take me several reads to take it all in, so many images are conjured with each reading not to mention I just like the sounds of the words when I read it aloud. Kudos my friend. best always, Lora
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