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This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-01-24 05:12:37 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Young God

Would that I would know, like the breath of knowledge that anger has no art in holding it. And drowning in fire is no mixing to weaken metaphor but something earned of bathing in a foreign sun. Would that I would know, Transport Beyond is not that much A place beyond view. That what I have kissed is not moment but eternal branded in the mind like a flavor visiting Before mindful thought springs. Would that I would know something fully known is never forgotten where love is completeness. Would that I would know the cell of thought upon minute grain casts it all in a dice throw just as grand for new worlds. Better still, that I would know Elysian fields are the fearlessness knowing Truth has no savagery. And among men to tell it.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-28 11:11:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Well hello James. I'm just stopping by to let you know that I have read this work of yours. I know that I am not a good critiqer of your work, but I like to read it! **anger has no art in holding it.* I'm wondering: anger can't hold (knowledge) and/ or (itself)...I see that this is lef open for that very reason. I like that notion that anger can't control itself, so there I dwell. Would that I would know, Transport Beyond is not that much A place beyond view. That what I have kissed is not moment but eternal branded in the mind like a flavor visiting Before mindful thought springs. I love that whole verse, for what it says and for the way you presented it. What more can be said of it? It's great! *where love is completeness* completeness?? The word threw me off. It's just lacking that grand feeling of the rest of the words. *knowing Truth has no savagery. * Oh, I totaly disagree. But I am not here to tell you that I agree with you, or disagree. I am here to judge your talent and the overall sense of this poem. It's good to find ways to cause others to dwell upon truths, and you have done that (again). I'm sorry my words could not be more helpful. I just wanted you to know that I did try to understand and followed it through until I was atisfied that I had gleaned all that I could..Thanks for sharing! Ellen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-27 23:16:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90323
James, This is not one of my best, it's taken me three tries to get this written so I do apologize for the brevity and I'm probably totally off the wall but here goes. This reads to me as a lament, a life in reflection, one who sees clearly all that has been, could have been and what probably will be. Very complex in thought, this to me speaks of the very soul of the being, poignant and catching most who view in; unaware of original intent. Perhaps this morning we will speak of war and injustice, this afternoon we will note how many are less fortunate and this evening we will wonder who shares the stars and moonlight with us, who can conjure the purity of knowing without becoming corrupt by the knowledge. It is the whispers between the lines that give you away, be well, have a fine glass of wine, an old favorite tune and one of those books on the shelf that youâ€™ve left to dust. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Michael BrokenSword On Date: 2007-01-26 17:38:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ok, Mr. Horak; I read this at Chey's promptiing, before I joined up. Perhaps I'll forego the usual line by line and make a general statement because I already had a feel for this before I decided to crit it; sorry, but was next on the queue. I find this to have the thought provocation I like to see when I read poetry but is lacking in the image department. I feel I'm preached at (not necesarily a bad thing, but overdone here, a bit) and there is a more abstract quality (due again to the lack of images). I also find the way you arranged the lines distracting. The gimmick did not enhance the read for me. I did like your vocab and the message as presented. Another issue I had is that I could cobble this up in paragraph form and it would read like prose; I tend to like poetry look and read like poetry and not be poetic prose. It has its place, but I find it dilutes the whole presentation. I suppose you can choose your fonts for presentation, here? I noticed that yours is less 'readable'/accessible than the one I just crit by Lora. I'd suggest a softening, but probably just me. BrokenSword

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-25 14:20:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi James....I must admit that I was a little distracted with the form of this poem. However, that is probably just me! It is true that your words and profound thoughts are not overlooked because of the uneven lines. I have come to know that your work will present a challenge and make your readers think outside the box...we should all do that, shouldn't we? "The breath of knowledge that anger has no art in holding it" are superb lines. So well done and so thought provoking "Would that I would know something fully known is never forgotten where love is completeness" are my favorite lines...I think as it is difficult to be sure. You end this piece with an impact, which to me is a sign of an accomplished writer. cheers....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-01-24 20:52:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
James, Yes, a young God would know all this...be all this! How rare a thing, to be born with wisdom/knowledge/experience[know how] [knowing why?][knowing all!] If man lived beyond the few now years we have; 'he' could be as wise as a god. Brainpower is an advantage, yes, but in the grand scheme of things, what gift is it if the heart is cold? To not hold anger, to not worry of the beyond, to know of many suns/foreign and otherwise, To remember and know......., to know of love [know completeness], And then have guts to dare it all for whats important..... He will know a hero's paradise, and he can tell of it. I believe we most vie to look in the mirror and see back honor, and integrity staring back. I think that a few will do great things that are spoken about but there are so many more that are unknowns that do as much without acknowledgment. They should be the ones honored. I love your thoughts. Dellena

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