This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-02-06 18:23:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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my children see

my father was a hermit he preferred his own company he could believe in himself and be proud enough to live. my children see that in me, can't close that window of self I can't believe in the person that I am I have no pride in understanding. I won't tell my story anymore when there is no one to hear this old lady laughing the joke is on me. bah bah black sheep where will you go? I will never tell you but it's good enough for me. though money won't stop me or hold me in the ground I'd give you everything I have and a penny for my pride. that which I was born with that which I have lost added all together  it is not the Holy Ghost. momma's little pumpkin  ate plenty shortnin' bread papa had a brand new bag little mary got her lamb. it's a black hole out there and I am truely all alone I'll be thinking of my parents and my grandchildren and what went wrong. Wheat in the teeth is not as good as sand in your shoes and the mountains that are green are footprints left behind in ashes of the bridges that are burned.

Copyright © February 2007 Ellen K Lewis


This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-02-24 21:42:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, I'm having computer/mail problems.....Good expressive poem. About your poem...it reminds me of a midlife crisis. Everything blows to hell and you sit there wondering why. Anything wrong in your life must be righted. Any easy path took must be anlyzed. Believe it or not this is a great time to begin anew.[true] I feel the bewilderment in your lines. especially....I won't tell my story anymore when there is no one to hear this old lady laughing the joke is on me. Your children as they draw away, must justify their leave taking. They look for faults or mistakes to pull away from you. [and every parent has some faults] It's an age thing. Years from now they will sing differently. They will admit their cold hard unkindness. Our job is to merely let them go and wish them the best. Our time at long last is to do our 'thing'. Or find 'our thing'. The next 40-50 years without caregiving family is up for grabs. Show those kids how life is done. They learn from our examples. onward women, Dellena


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-02-09 03:43:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Good morning Poet; thank you for posting and allowing us to feel what is felt within your heart. Written in free style and presented very well the words chosen bring images and emotions to life.....Our walk through life has many roads with twists and turns we must take and if someone does not agree with who or what we are that is their problem for I am sure life's journey has not been easy and you have done the best you can being the person you are. My husband likes to say when things go wrong with my children (this is a second marriage and our children are all grown) if they don't like it they have the rest of their lives to get over it.......I do not care for that statement but I suppose its true. In the meantime those bridges are wider with each passing day and indeed footprints in the ashes of those bridges already burnt. Again, great job ....take good care, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-02-08 12:53:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ellen....I enjoyed this poem. I think it is written from your heart and seems to be autobiographical...but I could be wrong. It speaks of lonliness and some regret. It is written in free verse but there are places where it has a good beat and tempo. I just have a few suggestions....hope you don't mind if I fiddle with it! You have chosen to write it in lower case, which is fine, but in your last stanza you have captilized "Wheat" which is not consistant with the rest of the poem. Also you have put a period on the last word of each stanza and because of that I think you should put caps on the first word of the next stanza. You have used the words...the & that...to excess and I think if you go through each line you will find place where they can be eliminated. For instance...hold me in the ground could read...holds me in ground. Plus...and I'm truly all alone...drop the and & all....I'm truly alone. A few of these tweaks will tighten the poem up and give it a smoother flow. Just a few of my thoughts which you may choose or lose. Keep writing! Blessings....Marilyn
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