This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-02-06 19:22:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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the way it should be leave nothing at all
except a line and a wrinkle
where once a smile touched your skin
and left a scar.
the freeway stretches out into the black of night
l've traveled far enough to be out of sight
to be out of your mind is easy for me
cause I'm nothing more to you
and even my soul has left me
where I left you
either way I lose, either way I win
that's just the way it has always been
I wish more than all that I
could set you free
pluck you from my heart and that
that's the way it should always be.
I'd be more to you
and you'd be my everything
the ways of old come back
that's the way it should be.
what you leave behind you
is nothing at all
except a scar the day
your eyes touched my heart
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Copyright © February 2007 Ellen K Lewis
Additional Notes:
just stuff to fill empty pages....
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-03-02 23:10:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Ellen,
There is a time in life to reevaluate. To go over the past/come to a decision as to where
it fits into today/decide what you want in the future.....then go for it.
'The problem as I see it comes when thinkig love-family were everything ofwhich we devote 20 years,
there comesa day the kids move away and yet here we are caregivers to family left with no job to do.
What to do with the whole rest of your days?
Read Victor Fraenkle 'the meaning of life'.
You need a purpose........thatsyour objective NOW!
Being in love is good/great/important but this other is vital.
This other is life/death.
See what your writing inspires in me!
Hope I'm not offensive.
Good poem, very expressive,and heart wrenching.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-02-22 10:43:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi Ellen....I find this to be a heart felt and touching poem. I don't know if it is autobiographical or not but if not you certainly wrote it with emotion that was surely felt. I like your word choices and the feel of them. You use and occasionaly end rhyme that gives a musical sound.
what you leave behind you
is nothing at all
except a scar the day
your eyes touched my heart....these lines are so poignant and serve to meld the entire piece together.
A poet once told me that a good ending is very
important in any kind of write and you have
accomplished that here,
Well done....bravo
cheers....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-02-08 21:48:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
To fill empty pages and perhaps help ease the heart from the pain I felt while reading this one. Memories return to me of days long ago as I too sat in wonder.......over and over I asked myself what if....where did things go wrong; I often thought it would be easier if someone you loved died rather then walked away and left you alone for there is always the chance of meeting again; that brings pain as well.......I am rambling though and I just wanted you to know I did read this over and over again; I felt it touch my heart and I remember the pain of long ago. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-02-08 21:05:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen,
Wow, I can feel the pain, the disillusionment (sp), the dashing of hope etc. in this...been there and you still come back to asking yourself--could I have changed anything. Of course, these might just be mind wanderings but I can't help but feel that first hand knowledge has given you the words that you've written here... Your added note denotes a frustration, a restlessness.. With a little tweaking and tighening you can carve this into a fine poem--however it may be one of those things you want to step back from for now and approach at a later date...
best always,
Lora
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