This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-02-08 01:47:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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stainless

three dog days tribulation in the cold standing with my back to you growing ever old. icy fingers pointing eyes blazing fire water standing in the way l can go no farther. five children weaving threads of golden floss silver lined stories tarnished oil cloth. grama in a bunting on a four dog night no surgeon is quicker than a daughter ..... and her knife.

Copyright © February 2007 Ellen K Lewis


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-02-28 23:38:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Hi Poet.....the title Stainless brought forth images of a long kitchen knife.........sharp and cutting.....I am not good at critiquing but I do want you to know I thought this to be a very powerful presentation and it is written so that others may take their own thoughts and run with it.........I was afraid at one point and sad at others..........well presented from this readers point of view. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-02-16 23:58:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Dear Ellen, This poem conjures up so many harsh ideas, I'm afraid of where to start with my critiquing. First, the honesty of this piece, is bold. I can feel the agitation from the writer, I feel the bitterness of someone, who has been pushed too far. Icy fingers pointing - a very chilling line (gave me goosebumps) I'm not so sure, I completely understand the content - I was leaning towards, betrayal, and abortion. Four dog night completely stumps me - hope you let me in on that line. Very good write, truly from deep within. Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-02-16 16:23:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, I get a sense of having difficulties with your daughter. A big difference of opinion not easily rectified. Why won't they listen to their mothers? The horror is the children almost become weapons between people. The mother of them with the pull. I feel heart sick for all of you. I have my 'times' with my daughters. Time passes so quickly, you age but they do too. the tongue is a very sharp knife. I like the title Stainless. I think the poem flowed well. The one question is about 3 dog days and 4 dog nights, [I know the group] Anyway it sounds like trouble. It's good to put it out there and get past it! Hope sun rises soon. My best Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-02-08 13:43:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen, Now this knocks the socs off...brought me back to memories of "Iron Butterfly" and of course "Three Dog Night".. wonder if there is some Gracey Slick woven in here. The memories of yester-years flooded my minds eye, almost to the extent of overload...LOL... Your last stanza is my favorite: grama in a bunting on a four dog night no surgeon is quicker than a daughter ..... and her knife. many a time during ranch life, being snowed in with one emergency or another, wife-daughter-mother; have had to be surgeon and doctor alike whether it were for the family or the critters... Well done, no nits from this reader just kudos. Enjoyed this. Best always, Lora
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