This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-02-18 13:47:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sleeping Dogs (a repartee with Fear)

I remember distinctly…. we met in that moment       between life and death   when beginning comes upon end         there you stood               in the silence of steel         gatherer of mortal souls       a dibbuk that dwells in boundless black  keen to cast his darkling glance on my consequent conquest golden apple in-hand, you swank amasses of unfortunate prey before me         victims of forgotten battles         lost in utter and complete balagan no virgins rove these hellish halls with enigmatic ease       and unfathomable familiarity     you mouth my name primed to impose draconian measures     to castigate my composure I recognize my face in yours   in sinister symbiosis a twofold dualism that forms the â€œone” yet,   to utter your name aloud   sends bristles along my backbone         Imagine my quandary…       I am inundated              by rampant rumination Should I scurry away     a meek, mild-mannered mouse               to shrivel into shadows               and shrink in shame? (as your bazaar benevolence     does me no good deeds)   ~ debt lies in every favor ~ or should I cede myself   to sinful sequitur  only to disappear beneath             a psychotic smile a maniacal demoniac, an omnipotent   steadfast similitude  resigned to solicit my own sanction? after all,       what does Fear itself fear?                   you exist only to be conquered a chaotic conundrum,                  indeed Never mind…..                     Computer,       erase entire personal log entry  ~
Copyright © February 2007 Mary J Coffman

Additional Notes:
Since my auto accident last August, I have wrestled with fear. Fear of living in pain for years, fear of death, and of course...fear of driving (this one perhaps being the worst right now). It's amazing what facing your own mortality can conjure in one's mind. Numerous people have suggested I write about it as a kind of therapy. Well, this is what came out.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-03-05 10:11:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Mary, I can't tell you how many times I've written the most inner-most of thoughts and then erased them from the puter; almost as if not to acknowledge that they exist. It seems that after suffering a trauma that the mark it leaves is never truly buried, the smallest of events can bring back the event as clear as if it had just happened. Your poem helps us to see inside, while many to not put voice to the inner workings of mind and emotion ; deep and sometimes terrifying remainders can linger just below the surface. Thank you for sharing this with us, for giving us a better understanding of what self is. Lora PS.. sorry it took me so much time to get this crit to you.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-03-01 15:20:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hello Mary. I have come to expect the best from you when you let go and 'spill'.....glad you didn't delete! we met in that moment between life and death when beginning comes upon end......chills my spine...ooooo there you stood in the silence of steel gatherer of mortal souls.......awesome! I can relate to that~! ~ debt lies in every favor ~this line is essential for understanding. disappear beneath a psychotic smile....ooo, again I am astounded...seems like an easy way out doesn't it? an omnipotent steadfast similitude resigned to solicit my own sanction? ...perhaps we are our worst enemy afterall! you exist only to be conquered.....sounds like a creedo come to life I can't stop laughing at the ending though! I think of all the times I have done that, erasing an hour of agony that in the end, doesn't seem to measure up. Great display! I love this!
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-01 10:58:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Hi Mary....this is an outstanding poem which clearly limns your fear. I can't even imagine what that fear feels like. You have given it a voice in this poem...you have faced it head on..."what does fear itself fear?"...this is a superb line. or should I cede myself to sinful sequitur only to disappear beneath a psychotic smile....wonderful phrasing in these lines. The entire poem has a plethora of good images and packs a punch from the first line to the last. Writing is a catharsis for me and I have a feeling it does the same for you...no nits here....bravo Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-02-20 22:02:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Dear Mary, This poem, shows the emotions and inparticular the pain you are left with, after the car accident. Amazingly so, your depth in describing the feelings of the tragic accident, pierce through the readers heart and mind. Tremendous work here, in content, style, and rhythmic flow of each line and verse. You've chosen some dark words which enhance the meaning of this poem. I'm very impressed with this poem. Sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-02-18 15:36:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
You keep writing poet and put your emotions on paper for it will bring you out of this darkness you are in now. Fear, I understand your fear for I had an accident once and my mom was with me at the time. She was 92 years old and she did not care to get in the car with me ever again.....can you imagine her fear. We did not sustain injuries like yours and I thank God for that but mom did damage to her leg and her head and her will to live. She passed on six months later and of course I blame myself..........Fear...........horrible even to say the word.........I was close to death once and I was alone here in the woods of Tully. My biggest fear was to return home after heart surgery knowing I would be alone during the week while my husband was away at work.........I was afraid to close my eyes to sleep .........I was afraid to go out of the house other then doctor appointments which I had so many of.........I can honestly say I was not afraid to die though for the experience I had when I was dying was breathtakingly beautiful for I was held in the arms of God and I felt His breath as He kissed my cheek. From that moment on I knew I would be okay.......My recovery took over three months away from home and though I have not been able to return to work due to many health issues I am so grateful to be here......each day is a new beginning and you will face each one as God has a special plan for you and if you let Him He will show you what it is. Take care, keep putting those feelings down as you are also helping others with the same problems.......Fear......let us work together to conquer it for all.......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-02-18 15:01:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Mary, Mary, Mary, this is the most esoteric and powerful piece I have read of yours- metaphysical to mythological, intransigent to inchoate- and as much as I love an ironic twist- for me- drop those last two lines- it stands iconic and those last two lines steal the genius of the piece!! Keeping “Never mind…” implies and irony but allows the reader to remain entranced. Now to the piece; simply delicious! I don’t often do a complete exegesis anymore, just don’t have the time and still support all the poetry sites, but for this I must. Sleeping Dogs (a repartee with Fear) – Your title allows, immediately, the millions of droll metaphors to pop up in a readers mind concerning sleeping dogs, but accents it with “repartee with fear”. Personally, I loved the title but thought you had little chance to match the power of that title in your verse. WAS I WRONG!! I remember distinctly…. – It is obvious that in the “memory” there is going to be a level of metaphor and presumption, dreams or visions, but it also personalizes the verse to you. Good opening. we met in that moment between life and death when beginning comes upon end – “meeting” you do not tell us whom it is you are meeting. Your contrasts and irony whet the image- “life and death”, “beginning comes upon end”- I haven’t a clue where we are going, but I want it!! there you stood in the silence of steel – (absolutely delightful) gatherer of mortal souls – We now know, whomever it might be, that the meeting is between you and the “gatherer”- the ensuing verse tells us more of the character, the laud and dangers of such. a dibbuk – (excellent choice, obscure in meaning to many, but precise in definition, having studied to some extent the kabala, I prefer the historical spelling dibbuk, still a great choice) that dwells in boundless black keen to cast his darkling glance on my consequent conquest – in this last line you indicate a “consequent conquest” of course you leave us little indicator as to what that might be other than the title of your verse. That the “gatherer” is looking to make an attachment to the “conquest”- it is a part of your psyche, else he would gain no interest. that there is a conquest involves, tells us, in light of your condition, there is hope. golden apple in-hand, you swank amasses of unfortunate prey before me (sp. masses) victims of forgotten battles lost in utter and complete balagan (once again, great choice- “balagan”; obscure yet of a definite meaning that cannot be misconstrued as other). That the dubbuk reins in bedlam is indicative of the vision, you perception of the administrative side of a coming “attachment”. no virgins rove these hellish halls – I stopped by this line several times, it is historical on so many levels, even distancing myself from “hellish halls” whose analogy is clear. Virgins, ostensively, those females yet pure; you have claimed none “rove” either being plucked by the passing of life or other- but also, having been through the “repartee with fear” – I believe you are making a metaphor concerning yourself, warning the “gatherers” that you will not be easily daunted- that you know and have confronted the danger. You are pure in consequence, but not innocent to the danger. with enigmatic ease – great use of vowel agreement and unfathomable familiarity - great use of consonant agreement you mouth my name – Here I left in departure- this made the verse so much more personal, not personal as the preious, of actions and reactions, but of knowledge of the soul- whereas someone might burn your house down and cause great distress- here the offender attempts rape. primed to impose draconian measures to castigate my composure – (Powerful, Powerful, Powerful) I recognize my face in yours in sinister symbiosis – There is irony, that the despite is fueled within, that the moment is more than the whole. “a twofold dualism that forms the “one”” yet, to utter your name aloud sends bristles along my backbone – In three sentences you have taken and defined evil and holiness, insinuated the amalgam, and then here, finish as an alcoholic must, that the victory may at sometime be evident, but to speak the name- recalls the battle. Imagine my quandary… I am inundated by rampant rumination (brilliant word association and consonant agreement)- and you tell us your mind runs wild, the risk remains- and the solution is insoluble at some level. Should I scurry away a meek, mild-mannered mouse to shrivel into shadows and shrink in shame? (as your bazaar benevolence does me no good deeds) – I find this a curious mix, of the spirit that just wishes peace and the spirit that demands restiturion. “bizarre benevolence” a brilliant lead in to “does me no good deeds”. Once again you gap the metaphysical and restore the personal- knowing, as you tell us in your next line “debt lies in every favor”. Wisdom with the travail, there lies the truth. or should I cede myself to sinful sequitur – (“sequitur” splendid word choice) only to disappear beneath a psychotic smile (“psychotic smile” sets the parameters, that to pretend is to become part of the lie that is self induced fears) a maniacal demoniac, an omnipotent steadfast similitude resigned to solicit my own sanction? – I cannot tell you how powerful this line is, of its content, of its description of the problem, of the decisions that must be made or unmade concerning those “solicitations”. Also, wonderful word choices – “similitude” “maniacal” “sanction”, excellent lines. after all, what does Fear itself fear? – John Paul Sartre would smile to see this line imposed in the foreground of the battle, the conquest- or, yea BABY, or Kierkegaard in his “The Concept of Dread” "No Grand Inquisitor has in readiness such terrible tortures as has anxiety." (Just to let you know, I knew the author and have known the quote for many years- had to look up the actual work). you exist only to be conquered a chaotic conundrum, indeed – and with a line filled once again by grand word choice you tell us, (maybe that’s not the whole truth, but that’s the way I see it- irony, irony, irony)… Never mind….. – I am torn on this line. It reinforces your last stanza, but is it needed? It is aesthetics as far as I am concerned. It doesn’t hinder, so if you like it, it works. Mary, I have had a splendid morning, didn’t start that way, but your piece is exceptional to the palate. bravo.
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