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This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-03-07 22:56:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Just Stuff

I started to put my sons clean socks in the dishwasher, as he stood behind me, and politely asked me what I was doing............ it dawned on me - I'm a role model Full of neurotic tendencies, passionate, and flighty Steering toward perfection yet always ending up Upside down and frazzled, blaming hormones or neurotransmitters or the weather for my faults Multitasking, rushing, coming and going yet Right now, right now, this is just me..... I'd run through the rain, step in warm puddles Sing oldies in my loudest tone Brush cupcake crumbs off my sweater Sip hot tea till my cheeks flushed, recite poetry till dawn....... and cut every loose thread off my clothing Rush down the steps in pajamas and coat to grab the mail Feel loose and real Charge at the beautiful things that surround me Beg to hold it all in my hands forever As I model myself to this young man I wonder how he loves this lady so much

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-03-26 22:00:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, It sounds like you are much blessed and you realize it. You have a great relationship it seems. Children must think parents are running around like chickens with their heads cut off. This is the busiest time of your life juggling all things. I think kids know what is done on their behalf and appreciate it. Even if they don't say. Enjoyed the moments in your life. 'Lovely' I like also the appreciation you enjoy also. These are the best of times being with family. dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-03-13 12:22:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Love the presentation, the words that bring forth so many images, some to make you smile, some perhaps to bring tears to your eyes, adding to the questions be add , often thought of in our walk through life.....my son is now a father of two girls and he often wonders if he is a good father when he is the best so I am going to forward a copy of this poem to him for appreciation. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-03-12 23:07:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh DeniMarie, Such choice words and sentiments, I'm in awe of your easy going direct "here I am" in your face write. It has an easy flow that leads your reader on a journey through a mothers eyes. There is no nit from me, very enjoyable. I especially liked: Upside down and frazzled, blaming hormones , or neurotransmitters or the weather for my faults; to which I can relate and then: I'd run through the rain, step in warm puddles; which exudes life it's self to : I wonder how he loves this lady so much; which is the cruxes to all mothers, how can they possibly love us so.(at least on a good day, *smile*). This is a delicious poem which demands to be reread and savored with each read. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-12 17:22:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni....I wonder how many times, when I was raising children, I had many of these same thoughts? I remember running around in a frenzy all day, and when the day was done I wasn't sure if I had accomplished the things I set out to do or not. However, I guess I did because the beds were made, the dishes were done, the house was clean and so were the clothes and the meals were always on time. Then of course, the bills were paid, the yard work was done, the sick were tended to and I had a full time job away from home. No wonder I was always thin! I like the way you have written this as prose, it is very effective. The only problem I see is with punctuation. In some places you used a period and some not. Also you put caps on the beginning of a new sentence sometimes and sometimes not. So you need to clean that up and remember not to use caps unless you do use a period. Outside of that I love this piece...and can certainly relate. Blessings.....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-03-08 09:08:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, these are prose images. Very good images but distinct, too distinct for poetry. The modern poetry, since non-determinism, requires a degree of indistinctness, something for which the reader provides, through mental interplay, something of his/her imagination to the mix. This is what sets poetry, as a genre, from prose, as a genre. We don't talk much here, either on the forum or within critiques, about poetics in any depth. It galls me that people throw around technical terms and count of lines and pedic meter with a word or two newly discovered from the dictionary, as some kind of compensation for knowing so little about literature and demands to be made on poet and reader alike. Otherwise, as bright as you are and as long as you've been here, you would have acquired these distinctions. It's confirmed me to be a better critic. Please work on this poem so I can so much better indulge its richness as prose within the framework of poetry. It indeed has the promise to justify the effort. JCH

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