This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-03-13 09:39:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Anticipation - Etheree #4
Please,
slay this
bare beat of
pulseless passion’s
sallow subsistence.
Lifeless loins languish for
tempestuous tenderness.
Solitude extinguishes ties.
I rest on this bed of frozen tears,
an unburned candle waiting for a flame.
~ |
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Copyright © March 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
Just in case....an Etheree is a non rhyming poem consisting of 10 lines. Each line's syllable content corresponds with the line number. ie: line one has 1 syllable, line two has 2, line three has 3, and on through line ten having 10 syllables.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-04-07 17:32:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Mary,
It sounds like your hot for affection and getting no satisfaction.
Been there, done that! Cried my tears.......then you move on!
Interesting the use of b's in one line,then 'p's, 's's' and 'l's'.
Could be a tongue twister.
This poem I like to think could apply to men as well.
Nice...
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-04-02 16:57:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
You do such a fine job with this form, I must find time to try my hand at it however it still intimidates me. Your verbiage sets the mind on fire and lends itself to all types if fanciful visions. Very enjoyable, possibly a bit dark but that just makes this piece more intrigueing. Thanks for the treat.
best,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-03-15 07:42:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thank you for the information in the additional notes.......your Etheree certainly is true to its form
I tend to enjoy the last two lines and the images presented....I rest on this bed of frozen tears,
an unburned candle waiting for a flame.
Again thank you for posting and sharing your God given talent with us. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-13 15:08:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary...I'm glad you wrote the rules for Etheree poetry....I had forgotten them and want to try one. This poem is exquisite. You have some wonderful sounds that flow like liquid down the page. "I rest on this bed of frozen tears" is a superb phrase. It is so descriptive and I would imagine all of us have felt this emotion at one time or another in our lives....we just couldn't speak of it in such a poetic manner. I hope the problems you have suffered, since your accident, are resoling themselves and that you will soon be back to your same self soon. Bravo....for this Etheree!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-03-13 11:26:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, a well chosen style, providing a steady crescendo (like a refrain might)
progressing, with each line, towards a deliberate end. Although this unrequited
longing, this "sallow subsistence" where "Solitude extinguishes ties", the hope
for the "flame" to the "unburned candle" remains. Indeed well thought out, else
there would be no "bed of frozen tears".
This form subscribes to a need for universal truth, as indeed most styles for
short poems require. Otherwise there is the ring of the jingle, the trite, too
personal tone of the self-centered vanity. Something you're gifted adequately
to overcome, in most all poems you write.
In this respect the poem offers us all a euphemism/metaphor for what the
unfulfilled expectations of youth leave to us in age. Although, "lifeless loins
languish for tempestuous tenderness" is clearly at the erotic end of the
experience spectrum, so (as Freud once stated) are most all our societal drives.
Your imagery is fresh, the line, "an unburned candle waiting for a flame", inspired.
Successful poem achieving elegance.
JCH
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