This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-03-16 07:10:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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It Comes To Me
It comes to me
An inner voice
Beckons soft and low
Lay still, I say
Unsure…
But still I strain to hear
The voice of change
Come calling
Crawling up my back
In fingers thin
Along my spine
It racks
In quick response
Old doubt attacks
Then in defeat
Change, cowards back
In fear and fret
No growth attained
And I am here
Still stunted
And the same. |
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Copyright © March 2007 Nancy Ann Hemsworth
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-04-02 11:55:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Nancy...this is such a melancholy piece but I like every word! It is so true that we all have doubts but only a few can express that fear as eloquently as you have in this outstanding poem. I like the terseness
of it...I think a poet should be talented enough to say much with little. Of course the long poems, such as ballads, have their place, as well. I wish I could tell you which lines or phrases I like best but I find that impossible as they are all equally stunning. Your ending is in keeping with the melancholy and doleful theme of this piece. Well done...bravo and red roses!
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-03-20 21:34:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nancy,
Love this....so utterly honest.
Two steps forward three back/not quite.
I know the feeling! You absolutely will not advance until you advance!
It's like 'it' has to be incorporated into you.
Over and over and over again until one day you don't have to eventhink its prt of who you are.
Success!
I love your internal rhyme.rack/attack, crawling-calling, in-thin, attained-same.
Really nice job.
Clear easy to read/flowed well.
Enjoyable,
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-03-18 19:30:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Nancy.....we have all heard that little inner voice speaking softly to us and I know from first hand experience we should listen to what it has to say. I can just picture you as I am reading the lines......how you must be feeling with this soft voice beckoning out to you. Change? Depends on what you might think they want to change........Personally I find you to be wonderful......a bright smile greets all that comes in contact with you; you are always ready and willing to help someone in need; wonder if you give enough of your time to you.......perhaps that is where the change should come in...........throw caution to the winds my friend and let the worry leave your life so you will be able to take that first step toward whatever change you want for yourself......Fear and fret will keep you prisoner if you allow it.....nice read; lots of food for thought for many who will read this. Reminds me of situations I have been in too. Take care, looking forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-03-17 09:44:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The "child of innocence" theme has played among many late
nineteenth century poets, mostly in America, with Walt Whitman
its favored representative. Your poem's reflection is from that
innocent point of view.
In the bewilderment shown over so little, if any, ground gained,
"Then in defeat/Change, cowards back" (the verb form is cowers)
you touch upon the peril of the times. The enormity of this is
even expanded by the subtle way you have of doing it and from
that innocent point of view.
Your inversion, placing subjects, verbs, direct objects, etc. in
positions best suited to rhyme and meter is excellent. You exhibit
a real knack for it.
Your final verse is a grand finale of astute realization, what the
media (movies and news presentation) has made of all facets by
which our outrage might serve change...subliminally resolving any
such drive to the artificial "resolution" laid upon us by soap
opera. Our emotions become laid on, just like icing on a cake.
It's best you don't hint at intention. For in the way you have
chosen, innocent point of view, you invite for more in.
Easily the best poem submitted so far this month.
Keep it up, Nancy Ann.
JCH
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