This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-03-23 21:44:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Light Paints The World With Color

Day attempts to keep its grip onto the light before being crushed of color and enveloped  into the merging pool of black ink sky. A car's lights swipe brightly across the house weaving dartingly as a snake in and out  of window pane caves to avoid seizure. Light from the nearest streetlamp  slips through the curtain-less windows casting black and gray pictures onto walls.  Copies of the outside the door world  with intricate tree fingers, and branch masses swaying with the breeze of the occasion.  The darkened house, absent of color   is colonized by energy rays turned gray. The once familiar place is transposed into the now strange and nighttime unfamiliar. Rooms daylight inviting, are now menacing. Basements sit off limits to the faint of heart. Attics even lit are keepers of the darkness. Beneath the bed lies who knows for sure?  Night's cap was pulled down over the world.  Split shift domination of light and darkness exists. Night's creaks speak; I huddle in bed, covers overhead, I'm frightened by what's out there that I can't see……

Copyright © March 2007 Dellena Rovito


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-04-07 17:12:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76190
Parts of this poem are happening in my kitchen downstairs which we are doing over. The sun shines in the morning and moves about the house during the daylight hours causing all kinds of colors and shadows which seem to change the appearance of it all..........interesting to watch the trees bend and sway against the walls as they dance together per say. Menacing cellars is what we have as it is just a half cellar with crawl space and when those pipes break guess who does not want to help fix the mess.....everyone, hehehe......I love attics though they have such treasures to find in them......for years I had to check under my own bed before going to sleep at night; my older sister would scare me half to death.......love this one and it is going on my list for the images created, the memories brought forth and for you who has a sharing nature.......God Bless and Happy Easter, Claire


This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-04-03 22:26:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
"Copies of the (world outside the door)" perhaps? Settle down, my dear, you typically are much more attentive to detail. Now I know I'm one to talk, but if using stanza form,conscious enough to persist the same line, near the same meter...even free verse, don't break sentences outside the stanza. It's like a dangling paragraph. Stanzas have to serve some function and that might as well be it. "colonized by energy rays turned gray" delightful...followed by, "The once familiar place is transposed"...I would like transformed better, but a great idea. And transposed isn't bad. The line,"Split shift domination of light and darkness exist" is your best line. The poem is a variable sublimation of changing light and its working magic upon our senses. Instead of just "flickering light", in keeping with the sublimation, this line captures that play. Exactly, poetic image-making well suited to theme. The last line is nicely child-like and well felt as a good ending. Can you bring yourself to shiver just by imagining? Then you're still a fresh young thing. My finger's waving in your direction....MAKE THIS RIGHT! It will be a good poem.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-28 15:40:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Hi D....your first stanza sets the scene for the myriad of images you paint with your pen...all of them are delicious. In your 2nd stanza I think if you say..."as a snake slithering" 'weaving dartlingly' is a bit clunky! I love 'window pane caves'...very inovative and poetic. Also 'intricate tree fingers' is a superb phrase. In your last stanza...'night's creaks speak' is a little rough...how about...'creaking night speaks?' These are just a few suggestions that you can use or lose but this is a fine poem either way. Wonderful imagery and an excellent ending! Well done. Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-03-24 14:02:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Fresh material! I like it. It is full of pictures and shivers. I would make a few minor changes here and there, none of which would probably make a difference-but still I pen them so that you will know how much I am enjoying this work of yours! Day attempts to keep its grip onto the light..or...day/light attempts to keeps its grip into the night A car's lights swipe brightly across the house...or..headlights...cars' light....this line is a bit hard to roll with.... Basements sit off limits to the faint of heart...... I love these two lines! Attics even lit are keepers of the darkness. 'keepers' is a great word here Split shift domination of light and darkness exists....even amongst the unknown there is solidity of truth! Night's creaks speak......tongue twister! The creaks of night speaks... This has been very enjoyable. I think I'll peek under the bed tonight... Thanks for sharing, Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-03-23 23:00:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Dear Dellena, What amazes me most about poetry, it what others can "express", that we can't. This talent invites us into their world - to visualize it through written words - and to enjoy the words through others expressive thoughts. This is completely original, a perception of light/darkness as it moves across different scenes. I did enjoy this write, specifically for the imagery created within each verse. I would suggest just a few changes - to enhance the read - and I hope you don't mind. A car's lights swipe brightly across the house weaving dartingly as a snake in and out of window pane caves to avoid seizure. (I would change "dartingly", because it stops the flow of this line. Maybe use weaving and darting like a snake in and out. Copies of the outside the door world -(I would change to Copies outside the door of the world. The darkened house, absent of color is colonized by energy rays turned gray. The once familiar place is transposed (The use of colonized breaks the flow of this verse) I would change it to something like - The darkened house, absent of color is abundant with energy rays turned gray) Just something to think about - a few tweaks I thought of. All in all, it's an interesting poem - well worth reading. I especially liked the ending - of hiding under the covers (I sleep just like that!) for the protective feeling it gives me. sincerely, Denimari
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