This Poem was Submitted By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2007-04-03 11:38:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Stroking We all want it
Don’t we?
So much so
we’ll take it any way we can
Depending on our fear
Depending on our need
Depending on our history
Even the lash of scorn
is better than nothing
A scrap of attention
we shove snarling into our mouths
Ridicule we’ll take
wide open
lying on our backs suckling
hot resentment
But for a word of love
One kind thought directed our way…
Seems simple enough
Doesn’t it? |
|
Copyright © April 2007 Kenneth R. Patton
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-04-21 14:55:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Ken,
You definitely have a gift for stating what is, even if we don't like the message you still have such a way of making the truth easy to handle. I liked this, no nits here. Thank you for the post.
Best,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-04-21 00:52:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Ken,
Wow - good write. You've packed a lot of hard emotion into this piece - and have some memorable lines as well.
Love the message in this write - it's amazing really; what we're apt to do, you've probably touched everyone with this poem - I know I can relate.
Even the lash of scorn
is better than nothing
A scrap of attention
we shove snarling into our mouths
Ridicule we’ll take
wide open
lying on our backs suckling
hot resentment
These two verses completely stand out - pull the poem together - and give it the gut wrenching feel it has.
This is a keeper - well done & it's on my list for this month.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-04-19 22:25:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72222
Ken once more you have my mind jumping in many directions.....the title Stroking, reminds me of my two cats......one is very affectionate and wants to be stroked all the time; the other a rather testy male would rather lay on his back and keep his eyes opened as you come close.......he would prefer to be left alone.....
Stroking comes in all forms as well as love........
Even the lash of scorn
is better than nothing
A scrap of attention
we shove snarling into our mouths
this stanza reminds me of me............I was a chunky kid and growing up I took alot of teasing from children and adults alike....actually, some hard teasing caused a problem my entire lifetime.......I even had a Godmother who offered me money to lose weight; talk about a slap in the face.......all I wanted was to be loved.....guess I hid in the cookie jar too long.
In reality love comes in many forms; from many places; and in many ways.........some have a hard time showing feelings and saving those little words.....I love you.........
Well I am rambling in many directions so the flare of your pen has done its work right, the words have flowed in many directions, brought forth memories from my childhood and perhaps even into a ralationship or two in later years.......thanks for posting, as always I enjoy finding your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gene Dixon On Date: 2007-04-13 19:37:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Kenneth - Yes, we do, don't we? Not many will admit to the need but you do so
very nicely and succinctly here. Were it my choice - and it isn't so that makes this
only an opinion - I would excise the parallelism...the repetitive "depending on.."
That's a difficult device to use successfully (usually only works in litanies).
Say it once like:
"Depending on our fears,
our needs,
our history."
Feels a bit stronger.
(Just an opinion, of course)
Peace
Gene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-04-13 17:23:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
yes it most certainly does..food for our souls Kenneth, that we all need to more than survive this journey.
This is such a powerful image "Ridicule we’ll take
wide open
lying on our backs suckling
hot resentment" you have jolted this reader back to memories that would be rather tucked away. Excellent write, and thanks for sharing. Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2007-04-04 13:09:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Kenneth;
appropriately and aptly put throughout.
We are all animals afterall...and physically
and mentally require the "strokes" of fellow
creatures...as part of our genetic make-up.
This topic is avoided as unseemly to mention,
but it is a true real need, and warrants our attention.
Thank you for this submission. Nice to talk with you again.
Take care,
Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2007-04-03 14:16:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Ken,
Am I correct that this poem is meant to be ironical, a manner of writing in which the meaning literally expressed is the opposite of the meaning intended- which is a plea for the elements of kindness and love to be expressed before ridicule or sarcasm?
Hope you don't mind my saying, but there are those who don't require validation from others, develop their own gauge on their writing and offer it to others because that is largely what humans do...is want to share their achievements, accomplishments, thoughts. It is an unholy part of popular culture to diminish everything, and so I particularly take exception to things where all sharing is made small, petty and pathetic. Stroking, in its most negative context, is attention paid for profit.
Now, you draw up from the frustration evoked by the first part of the poem by ending on 'a word of love' --Well, how about making the case for the ending of the poem?
There are statements made, even poems, deliberately designed to hurt; then there are things written meant to bring clarity to situations too long suffered by obsfucation. In the end, we are always better off for those that will speak forthright, then we are by those who veil their intentions by pretense of "kindly" offering. Someday, TPL might be about the poetry, and not about everybodys fucking fragile egos.
This last comment NOT an indictment of your poem, which portrayed the more unpleasant elements of human interaction, certainly not representative of most.
Terry
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