This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2007-04-07 02:08:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Western wall

There may have been a temple situated Where I stand: so each wedge of prayer suggests. Another pilgrim, habituated To this algebra for making vast requests, May have stood here wondering, too,  If his chance would stand, as I do. The oldest of the prayers have turned to dust, So have their pilgrims. All that remains now Is the sense of some otherness, some ghost Impregnating every moment with how Small I am, the little I can do, Where I’ve been, where I’m going to.

Copyright © April 2007 Mark Andrew Hislop

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-05-06 01:24:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Mark, I love your way with rhyming. Barely noticed. Otherness/goes with dust/ghost. I like your ending too...... sense of otherness impregnating the moment, is good. A very nice job you did again! Your doing some fine work. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2007-04-22 12:50:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello, Mark, I am delighted that you are not calling that place "The Wailing Wall," as some are wont to do. I do think that there is pretty good evidence that there was a Temple [or two] there. In my opinion, the poem begins in a cadence that is a little too mannered - you might simply say, "I think there may have been a temple here" - or - "..there was, some say, a temple here" without losing metric integrity. The poem builds in power with each line. Is there in the subtle suggestion of ghost impregnating moments a foreshadowing of a Christian theology? As is my wont, I was going to nit - pick about the gender specificity of "...May have stood here wondering, too, If his chance would stand, as I do." but of course there is still the partition in place so it would have been a man that stood there so I stopped myself. [but not entirely as it led me along another path]. There is a lot to think about along with the narrator standing there. Brilliant work. Best to you. Rachel.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-04-12 09:29:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
You have painted quite the picture within these lines poet and it is a job well done.......the standing temples, the many pilgrims that have travelled though this land, the thoughts, hopes, fears, and dreams that have been left there as well...........Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gene Dixon On Date: 2007-04-10 13:41:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
MAH - One of my favorite poetic devices is imagery. I love the way a good poem builds a picture in the mind's eye...slowly - stroke by stroke - and this is achieved by only the best of poets in only the best of poems...like this one. The first stanza isn't as strong as it could be but, combined with the oh-so-subtle rhymes does its job in support of the total. The second stanza really brings out the special imagery that is found in the best of poems, like this one. I do have to say, however, that I'm not surprised. Peace Gene Dixon
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-04-09 10:03:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I certainly see the connection between our two recent poems, almost the same vernier dialing of frequency. I take this to be the Weeping/Wailing Wall, fully appreciating the richness (humbling) of the many separate traditions attached. "To this algebra for making vast requests", a most interesting line and one filled with perpelexity, not just complexity. The Moors invented algebra, algebra is a venture to discover unknowns through quantification. If you meant this "venture into such diverse frame of reference" (almost a thought can of worms,) damn, man, that's depth. I just reviewed one of MSS's that does something on a similar scale. You guys taking the same mind expansion juice? "some ghost/Impregnating every moment"...finally acquiring back the wonderful imagery I have grown to expect from you. Nice and simple last two lines very well placed and rhymed. Just do something about that "wedge of prayer" thing and you're cooking. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2007-04-08 00:37:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
MAH, The poem vanishes like dust from between your fingers. Form meeting substance. It's one of the twin pillars of what we do. Perfectly erected here. Let me know what's up with you, my friend. MS
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