This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-04-24 15:37:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Sewing I saw the moon tilt,
spill its lavender memories,
sprawl across sky’s organdy lid;
and leave me to sweep teardrops
that slump below my eyes.
Soft cries prevail
at sun’s decline.
A curled moon’s pallor
clutches me like a shroud.
It is sun’s strings of light
in a threadbare sky
that soothe me,
not moon’s opaque lamp.
Despite the moon,
despite the night
I’ll indulge
my extravagant lavender memories,
sew their light,
purling stars
inside the hem of dreams.
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Copyright © April 2007 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-05-06 11:32:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Marilyn,
This is a magical read, the colors of imagination, the feel of touching clouds and dreams whether real or whisps of memories leaves a soft sort melancholy mood on this reader. I did enjoy this, the verbiage is phenomenal not leaving me anyway to pick on specific line over another so I must say I am in awe of all that you've penned here. Brava!
Best,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gene Dixon On Date: 2007-05-02 11:07:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn - Nicely done! You handle the imagery very well... they fairly grow from
each line as the eye reads. Your honoring of the day...the sun...is sort of
antithesis to Shakespeare's "...all the world will be in love with the night
and pay no worship to the garish sun." - and works well as such.
Good job!
Peace
Gene
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-04-29 11:19:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
There are flights here, Marilyn, flights of imagery almost to the point of
fancy. "I saw the moon tilt,/spill its lavender memories,/sprawl across sky's
organdy lid;" are lines abounding more of elation than thoughtful reminisce.
Then you decline to, "Soft cries prevail/at sun's decline./A curled moon's
pallor/clutches me like a shroud." The reader cannot be helped but be drawn up
by the quick turn where, "not moon's opaque lamp" bestows the favor upon the
sun (as opposed to the time of the moon.) But then it is the moon that by far
inspires the elevated imagery.
It is a contradiction in poetics rather than sense and one that could easily
be addressed in order to make the read more comprehended the first time.
Despite this, the closing stanza unifies both meaning and imagery with your
title and settles well upon the eupehmism you've made with "sewing" and the
way one can deal with the way settings stir memory.
In those respects, well done.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2007-04-24 23:21:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Hi Marilyn,
This is the most beautiful, most poetical of poems I've read of yours. The imagery is superb, and the ending
truly wonderful. It is difficult to say anything original in a sentimental offering, but you succeed by
your unifying theme of sewing -mourning contrasted by the extravagant comfort of memories. Remembrance and the sorrow of loss brought to an exquisite conclusion that continuity persists, even as dreams. It is how you say these things, that brings poetry to life.
For sure, one of the best posted this month, and one that marks you as a poet.
The person behind this inspiration truly honored. Truly loved. And a powerful Muse accompanies the writing.
This poem is a gift to all of us here.
Terry
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