This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-05-08 16:45:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Spun Lace and Soap Suds

With pomp and thrum the sea pulses at my roots, inviting my toes with echo’s fingers. Throbbing water welters to the sand, reminding me of spun lace and soap suds, worn when hurried breaths awaited my first embrace. Arrows of light spear ocean’s roof; I stand  on fickle shores, watching, remembering. I linger in mummers   of the cobalt sea and nestle in whispers  of days I left behind. There is exhilaration in calmness of the sea when pieces of sunlight fall and spirits flare. I drink deep of silence  and ponder the winding crossroads between life and death. It is then I revel in hushed reflections of my youth.  

Copyright © May 2007 marilyn terwilleger

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-06-05 11:33:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The sensory aspect of experience is too often overlooked by poet. Here, in a valiant effort, you compensate so well and successfully produce a poem captivating in imagery almost purely drawn from appreciation of the faceted way in which light and its play upon things occur. In this world you've created, the seemingly divergent, spun lace and soap suds, come to unify into splendid appeals to the senses. Although, "throbbing water welters/to the sand" is your best image, I am taken by, "Arrows of light/spear ocean's roof" be reaffirmed by, "when pieces of sunlight fall/and spirits flare". To anyone familiar with the underworld of the sea, this is delectable. It is enough to succeed with this poem stopping here, but your next-to- the-last verse magnificently adds the moral core value to this poem which sets it vastly apart so many others, "I drink deep of silence/ and ponder the winding/crossroads between life and death. A play of "light" of a different kind. Parallelism at its best. Now, aren't you happy I waited to vote? JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2007-05-18 11:12:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn - Interesting what thoughts are brought forth when standing seaside, watching the waves lap the shore. You capture that moment well with imagery that perfectly brings the proper picture to mind's eye. Your finale is spot on...The thought of youthful days spent on summer beaches is invariably where such reflections go. Very nice piece of poetry! Joan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2007-05-11 18:02:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn; A wonderful work extolling the beauty,serenity and power the sea has in affecting your life. It is almost religious in its treatment of the visual and emotional aspects of your present and past. In a way this work hearkens to the idea that man himself originated from the briny deep and all returns to the sea, are indeed returns to the primevil home of Man. Hope I'm somewhat near the mark...I really enjoyed this work immensley, Marilyn Thank you for this delightful submission. Always your friend, Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-05-10 17:12:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn, The idea of the ocean, sea, actually any body of water - always fascinates me - because of my love for the water. It's inspiring and your poem is also. You've combined some lovely elements, with a fresh display of words that I found enjoyable to read. First verse empowers the read - it draws the attention of the reader, which I believe to be the success of poetry writing. I wouldn't change any of this - it's rich in emotion, imagery and style. Last two verses bring out a lot of emotion - drink deep of silence - pondering - between life & death, then, revel in hushed reflections of your youth. Very, very nicely done. This write is definitely calming to the soul. sincerely, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-05-10 00:34:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, Your well turned stanzas and deft verbiage leaves an imprint of one pondering one's life--past, present, and of course what comes next. A clear cut study in such an eloquent way of life, from inception to end. I especially liked: I linger in mummers of the cobalt sea and nestle in whispers of days I left behind This spoke so loudly to me reverberating in subconcious thought. Thank you for this delicious treat. Best, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-05-09 21:52:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, in this, like the reflections, are bound what we are and what was. I like that you use the term "drink" for it also allows that what our reflections reveal, reveal our next step forward; in some context or the other. Without such, the decisions would be altered. You use "ponders" and "crossroads" and many misuse these metaphors, you use them properly in the context of the whole passing of a lifetime. Death being the end, the traversing still remains tantamount to the meaning of it all. In stanza two, your 'title stanza" what remains with me is the terms "water welters" a stretch of normalcy into a painful, if not necessary, ripple. In “fickle shores” you counter the apparent counterfeit vision with another explanation of reckoning by “watching”. This was an enjoyable read. I hope where it took me was close to where you meant to take me.
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