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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-05-28 17:06:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Teton haiku revised

a grand perch for stars mountain touches painted skies time worn teton rock meadows sprawl below giant sentries tower steep step to heaven

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2007-06-05 09:28:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Terse...descriptive...as Haiku should be! Great images created here. There is a feel of the mountains in these poems. Thanks for posting! Joan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-06-04 00:42:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, I like this better. I guess I want haiku's to say more. I love the idea of mountains with stars on top and the meadow bed. Steps to heaven yes! I just want more! Can't blame me for that! not bad! Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2007-06-03 18:29:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mazza, See my crit for the other "version". The same thoughts apply. But of the two, I prefer this one. Best Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2007-06-03 04:41:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Marilyn, A great pleasure to read your poem again after my long absence here in TPL! Thank you for this wonderful treat. Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-05-30 05:40:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.73333
well done haiku poet, many images created within from the flare of your pen. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-05-29 10:54:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93750
Marilyn, Yes, I like this one also; actually I favor this one. It leads one to many visions and thoughts of the great Tetons and all they have to offer. Brava! Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-05-28 22:33:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, to be candid, I liked the last one better. That said, let me tell you what this one lends to the moment: You now place in the hands of "grand" and "time" the elegance and power of "rock" ie; mountains. It does take the overt sprituality out of it, and replaces an earthy; do you feel it? moment for us to speak to. There is a feeling I have, that you wished to be true to form, yet you left the creator in; "heaven" there is the creator. I think you couldn't completely let go. Well.. damn.. maybe I do like this version better; but I'll never tell.

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