This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2007-06-01 17:54:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Doppler Texas is famous for thunderheads
they form and reform
keeping one guessing if
there will actually
be rain
lightening flashes
to the ground
in the near distance
tantalizing the senses
feeling the electric tingle
on your fingertips
the air is still
as if waiting
for something to arrive
in Texas one cannot
derive the weather
from the formations
of clouds
it is a guessing game |
|
Copyright © June 2007 Jana Buck Hanks
Additional Notes:
poem sketching exercise; words used: thunderhead, lightening, still and tingle
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-05 07:43:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Doppler..........good title for attention catching...........what powerful storm you bring forth with the flare of your pen; the dark clouds coming in, the flashes of lightening, and the tingle on your finger tips.....wow.......I am not one to sit and watch such furry but you certainly have brought forth the storm and in stepping back to see and feel the impact was worth the read. Good luck in this months contest......God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-06-26 16:27:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Jana....exercise or not you have written a good poem that I can certainly relate to. I have been in Texas and endured many of their thunderstorms...they are noisy and can dump globs of rain....not drops but globs! You have written this in lower case without punctuation which I find very effective here.
"feeling the electric tingle on your fingertips" is my favorite line. But the more I think of it I would delete "the" and "your"...so it would read...'feeling electric tingle on fingertips'....just a thought, it does tighten up the line. Well done.
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-06-19 08:54:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Excellent use of the words with thought behind it. I love the ending it is a guessing game and also possibly a game of anticipation 50/50. Well done.
Thanks for sharing. THomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-06-10 21:57:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jana,
This is so "spot on" of Texas and Southwestern weather. You've captured the moment and place this reader there as the thunderheads form, electricity sizzles the air and then- where's the rain... awesome are these monsoon seasons. Very enjoyable read, I like the closing.
Namasti,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erin Summer Barkley On Date: 2007-06-04 03:43:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nice imagery, you seem like a real homebody... I wouldn't know what the weather is like in Texas, but your poem illustrates it beautifully in a way that moves me to believe in a sense that I am experiencing it first hand with you or that I could relate with you. I think storms are beautiful.
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