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This Poem was Submitted By: Joan M Whiteman On Date: 2007-06-23 18:47:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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November's Breath

She survuived the onslaught but not without bleeding (His was not a thornless rose) Tears were as scarce as black pearls, the mourning had barely begun. "Years are irretrievable," he said, "like virginity." She spent little time and less thought on carousels or clocks. Doors slammed. Dreams went to dust. If it weren't for November's breath she wouldn't have felt the cold.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-05 16:14:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Poet this is very sad yet well written and expressed with the words flared by your pen. Emotions fly, images are created and pain is felt within the lines. Thank you for posting, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-02 22:29:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Joan, This is quite nice. A person/man I think, and you are breaking up after many years.. Door slamming means to me he left. And you were in a place of numbness. It sounds to me like a man's midlife crisis! People marry young/then grow in different directions/wanting different things from life, and gotta change. I really think we need new mates every twenty years. This is sad but you take the reader into it and make them care. The sign of a good write. Good job and the ending pulls it all together showing your emotion. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-06-26 16:21:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Joan....this is absolutely wonderful. I think everyone that reads this can relate because I certainly can. I'm reading this as a disagreement between a man and a woman....your own situation, or not...it speaks the truth. Living in constant harmony with someone else is nearly impossible. There are always words that hurt and accusations that seem unfair...such is life. Your last strophe is so exceptional and the last two lines have compelled me to read them over and over. The entire piece speaks of complacency on the speakers part...there are times when complacency is the only weapon we have to endure an unpleasant situation. Well done....brava and red roses! Blessings....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-06-26 08:43:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94737
Joan, How sad and poignant a piece you've offered us. All too often we become num - complacent in our lives and they pass us by before we are aware. Things aren't always as we choose to see them and at times difficult to for us to reconcile with what we know to be. I especially like your closing on this, it truly shows how things can slip by un-noticed. No nits from this reader, enjoyed the read. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-06-25 09:15:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Joan, You have given this reader a poem of life and sadness. You have shown the reality and loss. Just in three stanza's you have given a complete picture. I felt you were totally into the write and I wouldn't change a thing. Thanks for sharing. Thomas

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