This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2007-06-26 16:29:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Rocket A discombobulated mass of muscle
Uncoordinated perfection plays and
Tumbles blurring black and white fur
Fantastic
Impressive stature peeks from under
Immaturity in both pose and stance,
Heroes' marrow encased inside clunky
Bones
Legs like opposite magnets, a quick
Harmonic movement momentarily previews,
Pure magnificence and strength
Beyond speech
Only her heart surpasses that strength,
For she is ancient
Blessed with eyes of the wise, she
Is the saver of sailors when ships
Are shattered and mans' hope is
Gone
A sole Landseer swims from the land
Of the living, saving the lesser
From The depths of an abyss-
Prayers' answered
Humbled to share my life with
You miracle maker. What God’s blood
Flows through you? Omnipotent
Newfie pup…
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Copyright © June 2007 Mark D. Kilburn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-05 02:42:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Very descriptive your words are .........good structure which keeps interest going, Rocket...a good strong name for this man's friend who will I am certain grow into such a fine dog.........perhaps once his/her bones are fully grown and those feet no longer are magnets another poem may appear and be shared. Thanks for posting, good luck in the contest, it is on my list for sure. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-04 09:49:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mark I just loved this, you have written the "pup" fantastic across the page. I could see her in all her clumbsy eligentness..strong, omnipotent and beautifully structured for purpose. Perfectly equipted to answer prayers. An underlying of playfulness and fun also woven into the fabric (or should I say FUR)..LOL
This is a lovely tribute to one of God's creatures from the poet that loves her. She will bring you much joy Mark, as she already has , for she has one who can see the how marverous she really is. This is one of my favorite lines in your piece of discription.."Tumbles blurring black and white fur
Fantastic".. and these two lines made me smile for the knowing in you,to recognise the embread knowledge over the centuries the the animals and we pocess "Only her heart surpasses that strength,for she is ancient"..."Blessed with eyes of the wise.
While I was reading this, though I knew it was about an animal I couldn't help but think of the ackwardness and imaturity of a adsolant young man or woman and his or her growing into maturity from your second and third stanzas especially. There is so much potential in all isn't there to become heros? Can you tell I really liked this write? (: thanks Mark for starting my day off with a smile and a reason to muse.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-06-28 10:12:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Mark....when I first read this piece I was thinking you were speaking about a dog. However, a closer look after the 3rd strophe I now believe you are speaking of Mother Earth. I think it is the line....only her heart surpasses that strength, for she is ancient...I can't think of anything that is older than earth. This is a powerful poem but misleading in the beginning or perhaps that is just me. Having said that I did enjoy this and your word choices sets it apart from most. I often visit another poetry site and must admit I read a lot of garbage there and must wade through it to get to the good stuff. This is the good stuff. This piece is intriguing and evocative.....well done.
Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-06-28 09:52:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Mark,
This is a poem that makes the reader focus on the depth. I could be way off the mark but what I see is mother earth as new land is sprouted from the inside. The reason why I thought this was because of the beginning using the word discombobulated showing a sense of confusment while it was molding, then you end it with the Newfie put indicating a place where a new beginning is starting. You give heart in the middle showing what this land can give and who it protects. If this is not what you wanted to say then I will have to read it again to try and figure it out but whatever this piece is well written with descriptive narratives giving the reader something to ponder on.
Well done. Thomas
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