This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-07-04 07:49:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Black Heart
Forgiveness, you say not hesitant
slamming a diminutive lap dog down.
While you mean simply reluctance
to face any accusation by not....
slamming some fucking beer down. |
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Copyright © July 2007 James C. Horak
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-02 12:45:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James,
A bitter view- the contrast of “forgiveness†to the deceptive “reluctance†gives us a meaning that overwhelms your verse; (at least for me).
One thing that I find in the verse is you don’t (in the implied accusation) determine for the reader whether the distinction is overt or subconscious. You leave it open ended. Obviously there is a transgression that one party requires penitence for; the “forgiveness†notwithstanding because it is not “genuineâ€.
The background is set with “diminutive lap dogâ€- this automatically brings to mind the difference in stature between male and female ( in humans) and a connection to (in my disconnected mind) a woman beaten by her husband- and yet she can’t find the wherewithal (“lap dogâ€) to leave. At any rate, the “slammer†is to a “dog†much smaller than the “slammeeâ€.
Also seemingly in the forefront, is the “fucking beer†which is actually subordinate to the theme. Once again, much spousal abuse occurs after drinking- “reluctance†to quit? to accept responsibility for the actions subsequent to drinking? and the ever present next day “I’m sorryâ€.
If this is not about abuse; per se- I hope the theme, as discussed above- at least meet the form of the subject actually in count.
A passionate piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2007-07-20 11:12:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
the title drew me to this one. im a sucker for the dark stuff. i really like this. it reminds me of science class in school when we worked with microscopes. taking something so small and examining it under that eye. so powerful there appeared to be a whole other world in front of my face. this poem is like that to me. with so few words you have presented a powerfully magnified scene. my favorite poem ive read this month. thanks,
charlie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-07-10 08:39:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lot of negativity hear but well presented. The most impressive part of this poem is slamming a lap dog down, taking it from a comfortable situation to not understanding why it has been thrown down. You continue with the strong view that one is out of control and unable to face reality head on. You have describe the situation well and although only a few words used it makes it impact.
Well done. Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-07-09 14:37:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Okey Dokey, JCH, who has made you so mad?? Perhaps one of your many lady friends or just this screwed up world where we live. It is easy to accuse but not as easy to forgive....but we all need forgiveness occasionaly...some more than others. I really can feel your anger in the words of this write and am somewhat intrigued by that. A terse poem that was written with much emotion and passion.
Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-08 19:09:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Powerful impact this one has.......black heart, good title and your words just fill the page with images of all sorts; mostly horror, fear, being on the receiving end when you have done nothing wrong ..........thanks for posting, nicely done. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-08 15:35:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
this has a powerful punch to it..the use of "diminutive" when discriping the lap dog..this word could stand for tiny but also for loving, complying , familiar..easily hurt, thrown aside with spite (representing the the other person....just another way of expressing rage, or indifference, a bullying of the other person in the sceen and the unability to face or take blame for what was caused. defensiveness. I have found myself in this situation "the lap dog", while in a terribly mentally abusive marriage, that thank God is over..
I like your use of realistic wording for such a situation..
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-07-06 10:28:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
James,
Succinct, too the point, powerful in it's minimalistic telling. Easy unfortunately from personal experience to picture exactly what you've said and how sad but so true is your statement. Very enjoyable and thought provoking. I especially like both lines of "slamming", they speak inmeasurably of what is. Excellent read and one I can find no faults with.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-05 20:27:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hey Black Hearted one,
It's hard to forgive, or be sorry especially if it's not meant.
Being true to yourself is the most importance.
It isn't fun to be accused/and I find when another tries to lay it on another...
[some willingly accepting fault]they actually must look in the mirror for their answers.
I'm not saying you/or I am faultless, we live with the reprocusions of our actions.
Who needs another to accuse.......I think I'll slam a beer down too!
Great fun James!
Dellena
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