This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-07-13 15:23:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Moonbeams fall and night exists Over lands all stars persist Open sky drops rain below Nips of light feed heavens glow Beams give sky an eerie show Every morn, dreams fade and stall Sun rays warm the ivied wall Moonbeams dance and fill my head Sounds of ballads calm all dread

Copyright © July 2007 marilyn terwilleger

Additional Notes:
This is Acrostic poetry. The first letter of each line must spell the title.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-07 10:08:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Marilyn, Now I have to try this type of poetry since this is a real challenge and you have done so very well. At first looking at the structure I felt that the rhyming sequence was off in the fifth line but you explanation explains it for the type of poetry created. Only the rhyme of that line was out of place but it fits perfectly into the poem. Can you split the poem with a blank line? Example: Open sky drops rain below Nips of light feed heavens glow Beams give sky an eerie show Every morn, dreams fade and stall Sun rays warm the ivied wall Thanks for sharing. Thomas

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-04 18:55:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, another fulfilling piece. You have been prolific lately!! Moonbeams – Alwasy a title carries the weight of the verse, and this one means so much to many- of “light” “reflection” “greatness” “night time” “sky” “comfort” “never being alone” “understanding” and many more. The title tells the story of your verse. Moonbeams fall and night exists – The you subordinate night to the “moonbeams” is a telling juxtaposition of value. It separates out the redemption over the cause. Over lands all stars persist – this line is weak. Maybe something like “ ‘cross the land star-light persists”. or something like that. It maintains your sevens but smoothes the awkwardness of the line. Open sky drops rain below Nips of light feed heavens glow Beams give sky an eerie show – Beautiful lines, well matched. They make one feel worthy to be in the rainfall and that everything will be alright. Every morn, dreams fade and stall Sun rays warm the ivied wall – This is a nice couplet, I wonder if there is a hidden metaphor in “ivied wall”. In that phrase you become specific in a very general poem. My feel with it, not knowing an extended meaning in the context of your verse- is that it was chosen for rhyme rather than for appropriate content. I may be wrong, but there are not enough clues in the verse to presume a meaning conjunctive meaning. “Stall” has limited rhymes, you might want to look at “halt” and “cease” or “slow”, they all contain the macro of your vision, but are close in actual meaning. They also allow for a greater number of rhymes. Moonbeams dance and fill my head Sounds of ballads calm all dread – Beautiful finishing lines. You end it with a scope that reminds us all of the opportunity for the next days sun. I do suggest exchanging “all” which would incorporate mass destruction and many other ills that could not be “calmed” by this scene, with “the”. Once you change it to “the” you personalize it to the “ill” that assails each individual reader at the time of their reading. Also it eliminates any Non-sensical interpretation of your beautiful verse. Excellent piece Marylyn. Definitely on my initial voting list!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-07-17 17:03:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marilyn, Quite an achievement here and you should feel proud of this one. Acrostic has always seemed a difficult kind of writing for me - one that I've never accomplished. This not only spells out moonbeams - the creative way you worked out each line to fit in, has been done very well. You've included vivid imagery, a bit of emotion, and have left this reader entertained. My best to you, as always, Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-17 02:41:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
So hard to do this form of poetry yet other then for one line you have it perfectly presented and the subject of moonbeams appear to be dancing in my head. Third line from the bottom should begin with the letter A........rather then S.........again, a nice job in presenting this one. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-07-14 22:40:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn, A very enjoyable poem, reminiscent of haiku, however your seventh line should start with an "A" if I'm understanding your definition of acrostic poetry correctly. However, lovely images and a good read, cheers! Best always, Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2007-07-14 12:20:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, This must have been tough ! How long did it take you? I like the rhyme in this one...upbeat...reflective of the dance of moonbeams...nice setting of night as it gradually moves into day. I guess the third last line should have begun with the letter 'a' in keeping with the demands of acrostic poetry but wow...this kind of a structure is tough to begin with. Thanks for letting us in on a moonbeam night. Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-07-14 07:53:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
you have done a lovely job in the writing of this acrostic poem. I have written in this form myself in the past, and enjoyed the process. This little poem is soft, soothing and healing. Lovely descriptives. My favorite line is "Open sky drops rain below Nips of light feed heavens glow" very nice indeed! this has a victorian/romantic feel to me and I love that classical sort of think. I probably is the mention of "the ivied wall" and "ballads" that causes me to think of that time period. perfect little poem as far as I can see (smile)..
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