This Poem was Submitted By: charles r pitts On Date: 2007-07-26 00:41:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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traitor tongue-the tool of serpent's trade
ruthless are the reins
avarice the ally made
ignorance the chains
tapestried deception
orchestrated to betray
reveals the crooked coward
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Copyright © July 2007 charles r pitts
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-08-07 20:57:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Charles,
Thought I had already reviewed this, must be age catching up with me. I liked this, perfection in spelling out the qualities of a traitor and perfect in keeping with the downward spelling of the word without breaking thought pattern or meaning. Excellant, would not change a thing. I agree-- the serpant one is a traitor in the highest form and you've done well with your verbiage to create the images needed to see this one. Thank you for the post. Enjoyed reading.
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-06 23:10:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Charles,
Like the structure of this piece and form selected for the subject. Each line leads to the next and the impact felt by the end. Each line stands on its own but provides the final feeling of coward.
Well done, Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-04 15:05:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Charles, such a pleasure to see you back- you have been missed!! Of your verse; the powerful modifiers immediately jump out.
Taking your piece, I would assign it to many institutions on the left, the New York Times, and any who will use leaked information to undermine the US or whatever party is in power- for political gain.
That all said – “serpent’sâ€/ “ruthless†/ “avarice†/ “ignorance†/ “betray†/ “coward†– these are all powerful words that set your verse. It is obvious, whatever the impetus for its writing, you have a stake in the morality of the action.
I wonder what segment of “traitor†you refer to. There is so much these day that is marginalized away – even (no matter how one feels on the subject) even Barry Bonds “news†came from a filth spoken reporter who saw no wrong with marginalizing the Grand Jury system.
I enjoyed this piece- it set me off- but I needed it. And Charles, welcome back!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-08-01 10:57:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Such bitterness and pain in this short piece. your use of harsh "t" in your first line especially snaps the reader into the mood of the piece. and again with the harsh "c's" "crooked coward"
you have done an excellent job of describing "traitor".
"the serpent's trade"..snake is such a hard image for the traitor and rings true universally. "ruthless are the reins" I could picture this serpent at the reins of his trade . Greed truly is the motivator and what makes for allies as you have stated. I like how you have names all the negative traits of this person.."ignorance the chains" oh course you might be referring to the victim here, but does apply to both I think, considering "ignorance" is a powerful force if it is a blind force for evil or wrong doing. Yours use of "tapestried" to describe the deception is excellent for it is a weaving of events and schemes isn't it...and the word "orchestrated" expands this thought as well..and yes in the end the "reveal" of the "crooked coward" and this is a true statement "coward" yes..excellent piece..I am a fan of short strong writing, so Bravo Charles, you have me standing!
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-07-30 17:53:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Charlie....this is a superb acrostic. I don't know when I have read one this well crafted. It took me a minute to realize it was an acrostic and when I did I found myself saying Wow! Your word choices are excellent and the theme is striking. Everywhere we go, in this life, we will come across traitors. Some are the people we work with, marriage partners, lovers and even our own family. This poem has such a lilting rhyme that it almost covers up the fact that it is an acrostic. Very well done....brava.
Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-07-29 22:05:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Charles,
In few words you describe a traitor!
This acrostic poem is great!
There are many traitors of every genre.
Wives/husbands betraying each other.
Friends betraying friends.
Government beytaying it's people.
Some betrayers are hidden for years, ultmately to be found out,
perhaps upon their death.
It's wise to do only what your unafraid to be known.
Good job, liked the crooked coward.
Plus the acrostic was barely noticeable.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-07-26 19:48:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Often a most difficult form of poetry to create let alone write and share with others....each word created with the letters of this word....TRAITOR..certainly reflect it well........great job and well done.....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-07-26 03:23:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The hyphenated word-turned-expression, like the gerund, must have a form of
completeness, must answer the action it seeks to impart. Try, tongue-the-tool,
here to satisfy that requirement.
Very important in the twist this poem takes to find take near successful
enjambment in the way it cork-screws meaning with run-on sentence actually
compounding towards a reflection of a darting serpent's tongue (forked) with
the gravest attribute of a "traitor", that of a "(crooked) coward".
In the interesting near simile where and in what instance, ignorance is like
chains and deception can be like a tapestry, your poem pushes its reader to
find its meaning like a child's coloring book begs its child to pick up the
crayon. The line, "orchestrated to betray" unifies these signal elements into
meaning that has justified its ultimate delivery, "reveals the crooked coward"
where the poet expresses with exactness, what he sees the very essence of
betrayal to be.
The short poem works best when it delivers impacting truth or impression
upon its reader. Yours does so without didacticism but still with power.
A gift.
JCH
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