This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-08-17 16:34:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Slowing to Shade Twelve springs I’ve bloomed
but my petals not yet touched by frost.
New willows smiled in green
and mountains hugged their breath,
quiet lay in cloven tracks
like whispered wheat at morn.
Camp fires with green sticks hiss
and sputter in waltzing drops of rain,
elusive as fairies skipping.
The tree bore us high to claim and reap,
rosy hues enchant and tempt.
From branch to branch we reached
and left when unbent boughs sigh.
Time ripened seeds that dot orchard’s floor
while umber blankets blooms.
Willow leaves begin to fade,
my mirror mirrors gray.
My spring slows past summer shade
while winter waits in corridors,
but it is my mellow soul
that holds innocence.
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Copyright © August 2007 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-09-07 20:11:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
This is simply superb, no nits from this reader just admiration. You've enchanted me with your verbiage and vivid discription; I find myself wanting to wander around in "your" nature so I might drink in all the splendor of which you speak....I love seasons and their changes but rarely see much of that here, only a faint glimmer every now and again so through your offering you've afforded me the opportunity to endulges in long past memories and once again enjoy the seasons. Kudos!
Best always,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-08-29 01:23:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
Marlyn,
Sounds like you need to step out on a limb!
Do somewthing daring.
Innocent is sweet/nice, but daring to experience it 'all' is better.
Half of you wants innocence, [safety]the other half wants excitement.[danger]
At least I do!
But getting going, I need a gigantic push or someone to lead me out there.
Your poem of the earth and spirit is quite nice.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-08-28 08:21:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
This is beautiful Marilyn, the words just flow and blossom as they do. The images are superb and you take Spring into Winter in style. Thanks for posting, a super read, one for the contest for sure. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-22 09:34:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
Yes life holds what nature provides, and depending on the bloom type innocense is one form that can be taken. Wording is very good, thought provoking, format a little off for me but that is just me. I would have liked to see a two line completion to this piece matching the first stanza that would have made a bigger impact on at least me for I felt incomplete at the end. Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing as always, Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-08-20 02:31:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow! You have a way with metaphors. I love your imagery. It is as though you are painting a picture from mind. Excellent1
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-08-18 19:10:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn, first off your title is stunning. Once read and considered it opens up your verse to views that would be absent without the title. There are visions of afterlife, of sitting sipping a mint julep, of day passing to night, of slipping into nod... you have prepared us well.
At the outset you number the travail, a duration to 12 seasons that have gone from winter to spring, yet the life is resilient. From that you speak of the new sprouts of spring, of deer and the mountain, wind and wheat quiet existence of beauty.
From that existence you bring in the fantasy, self contained in beauty, that of “fairies†and “waltzing raindropsâ€. It would be a cold soul that is not now walking with you and viewing this pristine moment.
You transition us to autumn, with an eloquence that indebts us to the watcher/writer. At last, as autumn meets us, you personalize this creation- “my mirror mirrors grayâ€- taking on the twelve cycles and the coming cycle and the burden of that beauty alone hits us well.
With a revelation, you “slow past summer’s shade†– and here, whereas we have expected that the falling of the living to autumn and winter would be the moment of concentric circles, we find- it is the warmth of summer, and having to serve such joy alone, that is the greater burden. Like all of us who have known despari and triumphed, we are not daunted by winter- it is sharing beauty alone that most hampers the spirit.
A very fine piece.
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