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This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-08-18 21:22:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Short-Changed

and there he sits behind that desk his banal life, a bleak burlesque he slaves away vast days and nights for riches he resigns all rights a lonely wife, rebellious kids to gain his notice, put in bids they aim his way a scorching stare and sentence him to dour despair the bossâ€™s enjoin heâ€™ll obey without regard for time of day or hard cash, lest he not comply turns out to be in short supply to tired for his hackneyed life no hunger for a lonely wife the Master, that unyielding crook has duped him with a ruthless rook ~

Additional Notes:
Just an observation.... LOL!

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-09-02 22:27:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Now Mary, such care with turning rhyme and line count so exceedingly well and you misspell, "to tired" when it should be "to(o) tired". I'm ticked. But that delicious last line redeems you. Do you know what the rook is? (The corner battlement, with tower...all so phallic!) If you intended this, I've nothing but amazed admiration for such a clever and poetic use of ALL facets of imagery, with double intende thrown in. Tell me you did...oh tell me you did! I hope the cuckold has a wife well worth all the bosses effort...and paid overtime. I'm not looking for a metaphor, yours would undoubtedly beat it. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-08-29 07:44:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
you certainly have a way with words Mary and this one says so much just from being observant....always enjoy the way you make your words rhyme....the images you create to this reader provide the same situation with both men and women....thanks for posting and sharing once again, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-08-29 01:14:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
Mary, Sounds like that fellow needs a different job. Working for not enough pay and taking all his time. I think times are getting tougher. We seem to want it all, and even expect it. We have been a bit spoiled in comparison to the other half of the world. If we had jobs we were meant to enjoy/our talents...our strengths... Or if all the silly paperwork would be cut, if machines didn't replace us... Todays jobs can be so mundane. Good poem, rhyming good, title perfect. I enjoyed the read. Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-08-22 09:16:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, Interesting and it plays right along with the worst boss category that was recently selected. The boss that won this devious award was one that threw away a cancer patient who requested a leave of absense, the worker had three children and I think the sole caretaker of them. Another winner was a Manager of a pizza establishment who told a pregnant woman that if she was to deliver she needed to do it on here lunch break and then come back. Like the rhyme in this and the thought behind it. It really is up to the individual to determine whether they will fall into the mold or be able to break away from it. Work, home, and life have many interesting aspects you have captured one. Thanks for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-08-20 01:35:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
LOL Mary, and what an excellent observation! I am a working female and feel like this often..tee hee. Great format. Alot of people don't realise that puncuation is not used in poetry ( I have had a few comments about it) but you penned this perfect. Rene'

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