This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-09-08 10:43:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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A Flower and Music Festival My backyard blooms and simple gardens grow,
enhanced bouquets that fill a summer’s dream
and purple lilac buds complete the show
with color whorls like silky ribbons gleam.
A wreath of laurel decks the cobblestones
and verdant trees are bent inside the breeze,
their breathless music speaks in mellow-tones
while blue bells sway like tips of crested seas.
The lofty serenade of nightingales
beneath unsullied azure sky reside,
their fluid notes in heaven’s choir prevails
like vestals stand the tulips swell with pride.
My flower petals bask in morning’s glow
and brace for winter’s song of ice and snow.
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Copyright © September 2007 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-09-25 01:04:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
This trip through your garden is nice.
Lovely, lovely, but with the beauty comes the winter.
With the up of summer, must always come the time of cold.
Same as all things.
You show this as a hint as a final thought.
Subtle but blatant.
Oh to only live beneath the sun!
Good job as expected.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2007-09-13 12:05:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn,
Very good. Handled well metrically, rhymes excecuted perfectly - welcome to sonnetry. Now we have to get you an old Willy-type quill, some of the old ink (you have to mix it with water), and some genuine parchment. The manor in Essex will take a bit more doing however. :)
Kudos.
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-09-12 05:59:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Marilyn,
It always a privilege to read your poetry. This poem is very lovely, excellent imagery
and rhythm.The theme is maintained throughout the poem. My favorite line is, "while blue
bells sway like tips of crested seas."
I like your poem very much, but I am confounded by a few of your lines:
1st Stanza, 4th line: "with color whorls like silky ribbons gleam." I do not understand
this line. Even if "Whorl," was to be color whirl. I do not see how this connects with
" silky ribbons gleam."
3rd Stanza, 4th line: "like vestals stand the tulips swell with pride." Vestals, refers
to the Rome goddess of health characteristic of the "Vestal Virgin. If this is a metaphoric
expression,I have difficulty with the meaning of this line.
Thank you for posting this poem. My best to you, Paul, a.k.a. Donpablo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-09-10 19:03:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Simply glorious in all it's colorful imagery, Marilyn! I felt as though I were in your garden watching this splendid scene unfurl. "....verdant trees are bent inside the breeze, breathless music speaks in mellow-tones..." I love these lines. So perfectly penned. I could feel the breeze, as well as listening to it wisping through the branches... Ahhhhhhh....beautiful! Thanks for sharing this poetic garden with us, Marilyn. It was a most enjoyable respite! Brava!
Always,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-09-10 04:02:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Such beauty you have created with this one poet........flowers bring such beauty to our world and you certainly have shared with us the beauty of your world as the images came alive and the sounds created brought sound to the air in which they all play. There are times when the north wind blows I buckle down the hatches here in Tully but when the gentle breeze slips through and the wind chimes sing and ring out I find that so soothing to the soul. Thanks for posting once more, I have no suggestions for it is so right as it stands on its own. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-09 05:04:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Great imagery penned here poet. I love to garden and your imagrey took me out in my yard as I used to long ago and just love it from the planting to the time to harvest. You defiantely paint a beautiful picture here.
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-09-08 22:14:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
This is simply delightful in verbiage, image and rhyme...wonderfully fresh, I can even smell the flowers, hear natures music... No nits, only wish I'd written it. Brava!
Lora
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