This Poem was Submitted By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-09-25 22:01:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Reality Walking in shadows
Fate follows me
I often wonder
How this got to be
My soul has stopped screaming
My heart does not feel
Rotating seasons
Never seem real
Dreams of a life time
Tears in the sky
Confusion engulfs me
But I still can not cry
Visions of sorrow
Eclipse in the rain
Alone with my thought
Yet, numb to the pain
Yesterday is a memory
And tomorrow is near
Come the next day
I'll still be right here
No footprints to follow
No escaping this time
The reality which echo's
Deep in my mind
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Copyright © September 2007 Rene L Bennett
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-10-02 17:13:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
Rene...
Again, you draw tears from my eyes.
So full of emotion...sadness...longing...frustration.
I am so sorry for your sadness, my friend.
This write just tears at the soul.
LOVE your opening 2 lines..."walking in shadows fate follows me...."
What a great start, and it truly sets the "mood" for this emotional write with perfection.
Again, I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers, my friend,
in the high hopes you escape the dark very soon.
Thanks for sharing your soul with us. You are never alone here.
Regards,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-02 11:30:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Rene.....another well presented work of art as they say....good form, word flow, rhyme it all blends in to fit very well. There are many avenues to travel as well and knowing a little of the intense pain and loss you have suffered in the past few years my heart goes out again to you. Some readers may find their own roads to travel as well as you have left this wide open to appeal as well. There are many favorites in this one......second from the last seems to fit very nice for it tells me I may be stuck where I am for awhile longer as my own thoughts provide no relief in sight. Take care, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-01 22:10:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Rene,
You have done it again. You have written another wonderful poem and it is very moving in a
sad way. I love the short lines with good rhythm and excellent rhyme. The imagery is very good and I like the way this poem move you along with a deeper and deeper understand of this person memories and their effect on an individual life and mind. The color and tone of your words are very appropriate to your theme and you transition of thought makes the read enlightening. When it seems that the best of your life has passed you by and you remain with the thoughts of that loss is a reality we face with loneliness and trepidation.
Best you for you work. Love, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2007-09-26 08:38:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Rene, I like the rythm and rhyme you have inlaid in your poem. It is funny that it fits actually because of the subject matter it could seem a little light but I think it add because it is haunting. It skips along in a childhood innocence atmosphere which gives it a "ring around the rosey" feel, chilling actually. don't know if you did this on purpose but it is very appealing and this is how it hit me. Your last verse is my favorite and leaves the reader with the poet, not knowing where the next step leads but facing their own reality to circle and circle round. thanks for submitting , enjoyed it very much.
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