This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-10-07 20:18:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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First Light
in the cockcrow
of morningstar maize
amber rays
mottle tawny heavens with
glorious gamboges
as canary coloured melodies
(upon plumed pennon)
peach of sunflower dreams
and saffron smiles
lemon flavour kisses
of dayspring dew
sprinkle their pearls of Eden
on balmy colchine breezes
a comradely crocus
shepherds its
chatoyant silk salutation
skyward
as daybreak’s birth
bares its aureate blush
and softly sighs...
good morning,
my love
~ |
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Copyright © October 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
The prompt was the color "yellow." :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-11-06 20:56:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I can hear, just for a moment Irene Cara saying “sentimental shit†and yet- she had just sung her heart out, and we believed her.
Reading this, I wondered if the “good morning my love†was to a person or the morning itself; beauty in a rise, beauty in a moment, hope in the coming of the next day of breath.
You had delicios assonance throughout, wonderful self-appealing sensuality that pervade the waking to the morn;
and I remember how that sometimes catches me; in moments most miss- “daybreaks birth†funny though, I never blush before my love- or maybe
a little if the ocean is watching.
A fine piece, well crafted; and the test- personal but universal- excellent.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2007-11-04 15:43:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Gut morgen.
Color me pink. All this love -
it makes me blush.
It needs something, though, a twist, or a turn.
It's Hallmark-y. We want decadence.
Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-10-16 22:42:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
You definitely give a feast for the senses, the profusion of colors and soft action are intoxicating. However, I have to admit that there is something so very special after such a feast in the lines "as daybreak’s birth
bares its aureate blush
and softly sighs...
good morning,
my love"
like the gentle good night kiss before parting this is the perfect awakening for morning.
Very enjoyable.
Namaste'
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul H. Roefs On Date: 2007-10-16 03:37:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Mary,
You are my favorite romantic lady of poetry. Your terrific imagery of the love entangled, transitory romantic moments,. without a doubt ,superb. Thank you for keeping me filled with the enjoyment of your lovely thoughts and your mastery of the corresponding verbiage. If I were to select my favorite stanza it would be,
"a comradely crocus
shepherds its
chatoyant silk salutation
skyward."
Thank you for your lovely words. Great job. Bless you. With love, Paul
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2007-10-10 12:07:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah....lovely
from the first couplet to the last
amber rays
mottle tawny heavens with
glorious gamboges
Indeed! (lovely alliteration, fresh language and assonance here}
and saffron smiles
lemon flavour{British spelling... are you Canadian like me? Or a Brit?]
of dayspring dew
sprinkle their pearls of Eden (wonderful!}
on balmy colchine breezes
a comradely crocus
shepherds its
chatoyant silk salutation
skyward {a little too alliterative}
as daybreak’s birth
bares its aureate blush
-----------------------------------------
and a very good morning to you!
best,
R
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-10 11:20:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Beautifully penned Mary as always your words bring forth such beauty in style, color, feelings, ...
I so love it when morning light breaks over Mount Tully here where I live and especially when the sun shines bright with blue skies and the morning birds singing their most favorite songs to God above. Thank you for posting and sharing your God given talent....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-10-09 13:35:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Wow! Very bright!...LOL, get it? Yellow? oh, never mind, I am being silly. I love your metaphors. I only wish I could just sit down and write like this. My favorite of favorite stanza here is.....lemon flavour kisses
of dayspring dew...BREATHTAKING!!!
Rene'
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