This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-10-14 14:39:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Mélange
within the breath
of a moment
we fuse slivers of infinity
in mingled migration
clouds chasing the sun
I fawn
for your favor
in slavish submission
and accede
as sighs
pressed against the wings of doves
arc my sky
in flutters of fulfillment
I succumb
only to wilt
under the kindle of your touch
expended
drenched
in the salving scent
of surrender
~ |
|
Copyright © October 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
The prompt was "feathered sighs."
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2007-11-05 20:12:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Mary, in a moment you captured- seduced, left me yearning in need.
I watched the “slavish submission†pressed in the “wings of doves†an hoped for my “flutters of fullfillmentâ€.
I was “drenched†within- what a sensual, calling piece “salving scent†and all- you captured me, and I’ll bet... most “arc’dâ€, what a splendid piece.
Then your comment- how anticlimactic, how unnecessary, how, un-fawned. I loved this piece and would add, because I did;]
if there is an absolute reason for a comment that enhances- go with it, otherwise, allow your craft to speak with the beauty it did- each of us have our own vision and interpretation- once you encase that ... it becomes.. lessened.
Excellent piece, maybe the best I’ve read this month.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2007-11-04 15:56:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I'm drenched.
& I need a cigarette.
Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-10-25 05:45:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
As is typical of your poetry, here again you fulfill the expectation of "sensualizing" most all
observation into the drawing in of experience to your own focus. As a marked style, it gives you
observable distinction and allows your reader to know your work as unique to you. A very rare quality
for one to develop outside some devoted poetry community.
When such a thing is achieved, metaphor becomes more than incidental, it, and its other imagery devices
(simile', illusion, euphemism, etc.) develop into a fuller frame of reference.
But of the things I like most of your work, are the gifted way these expressions flow in phrases that
are not so easily "defined" but none-the-less are so softly "foot-falled" upon us...phrases like, "slivers
of infinity", "mingled migration", "flutters of fulfillment", "kindle of your touch", and "salving scent".
These are accomplishments for a poet, not learned, but rather, grown to and served almost by ear instead
of thought. Until they fall like an inevitable construct to some vision that wouldn't be the same without
them.
And when the poet comes to succeed so well that his/her reader cannot imagine what they project being
expressed better, they have arrived. You are getting there.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-10-19 15:41:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
I am a little envious of the way you have with words my friend......indeed another wonderful read filled with love, lightness of heart and spirit and yet breathtaking. The smells further come forth as one reads on allowing more images and feelings to be felt within the lines. Nice word flow, smooth, easy and light......thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-10-14 19:46:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
This is such a delicate light lacey offering that I found myself soaring with feathered sighs, riding the winds and just being...so much freedom in this write.
Namaste'
Lora
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