This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-11-08 01:19:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!


Sparrow Tears

Barren boughs, without nest, without bird, drape beyond a farm house welted with scars,  its tears falling from eves. Lantern glass glows dark, shadowed fireplace has turned to soot. A heart of aches precedes me, yesterday only an echo. Path to the well is healed, no sash to disguise speckled panes, gate strokes dust. Bony weeds, dry as chalk gather. Eighty years of fickle wind caught by the roof, wizened heaps of yard keeps tracks hugging ground like seeds awaiting birth. Empty bucket, its fiber cracked, sags. Elm withers without its cloak, blue sky, broken by clouds, looks down. It was then the Sparrow wept. Beneath collapsed grey wood, amidst rotting memories and Sparrow tears, a single daisy sprouts.        

Copyright © November 2007 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-12-04 13:08:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Life reborn from all the memories. Nicely relayed and an enjoyable read. I like the ending giving us new life within the difficulties we face. Well done. Thanks for sharing, Thomas


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-11-30 01:52:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Wow! Beautiful imagery! I read this twice and my favorite stanza was..A heart of aches precedes me, yesterday only an echo. Sparrow Tears is such a perfect title for this. I wish I had just a fraction of your imagery in writting. Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2007-11-12 11:14:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
M When is bird not a bird? When it's Marilyn's. That's what I've heard. Some great imagery here. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-11-09 07:10:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
WOW Marilyn this poem is amazing......from start to finish it keeps the reader filled with images, feelings, emotions, perhaps a memory or two comes back for her to feel only........to me it represents eighty years of life......I like the tears being shed by the Sparrow and the hope of more to come with the single daisy at the end of the read. Thanks for posting, happy Thanksgiving my friend, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry A On Date: 2007-11-09 00:17:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
"a single daisy sprouts" All of your poem leads, at last, to the theme of renewal. Sparrow, personifying the simplicity and representing the purity, that has enough grace and goodness to begin this process of renewal? Why? How? There is a confusing of character in this poem also, the writer is part of it -"a heart of aches precedes me", to sparrow tears. Is sparrow some aspect of the writer? The points I'm making here Marilyn are that you either give too much to the capacity of the sparrow or metaphorically you don't make a case for the conclusion of your poem. I've seen your poetry much tighter and far more disciplined then this. You have some wonderful description, "Elms wither without its cloak...etc. It's just that the ending relies on evoking common sentiment, and all the reader feels, is oh yeah, that. You might enjoy, "the Deserted House" by Mary Coleridge, or "The Old House" by Walter de la Mare. Use the descriptions to frame a mindset, clearly, and then make a case for why the possibility of rebirth exists. Or give us the exquisite almost magic of nature that does allow new life even in the midst of seemingly hopelessness. Or write a poem about what weeping can really accomplish. When I was in palliative care with my Mother, we were watching a show on T.V about tatooing. She smiled mischieviously and said she would like daisies tatooed all over her chest. Bittersweet were the daisies that covered her coffin. Now, do you see what I mean about making a case for renewal? You are a good poet and have so much of a good poem in this one. It just needs to conclude with something great enough to counterbalance the force of the decay you have portrayed so well. Terry
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!