This Poem was Submitted By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-11-23 06:01:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Watching Time
Watch the clock
Time is slow
Once again
Here we go
Where's the pain
Deep inside
Self esteem
Foolish pride
Tears won't come
Though I try
Eyes that burn
Cannot cry
Pounding heart
Skipped a beat
Losing Faith
Life's complete
Stayed up late
Heard your cries
Shared a hug
Said goodbyes
Walked a mile
Lost in thought
Eternal memories
None forgot
Missing you
Again today
Wishing you
Could have stayed
Looking back
I am glad
And thankful for
The time we had
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Copyright © November 2007 Rene L Bennett
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-12-04 09:59:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Rene,
Love the wording in this piece, yet it is difficult for this mind to focus on the structure with the double break between lines. Remember this is only my opinion and I like to see flow and stanza structure. Maybe if it was a little shorter but then I would miss some of the great words the represent the thought.
Thanks for sharing, Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-11-24 02:51:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95238
When we watch the time it certainly takes its toll.......must say I enjoyed the one or two words per line, they say so much and allow for our own images to take hold, brings forth memories probably put aside for some time as well and that is not a bad thing either. It is more then difficult to let go of someone we love, there are so many sayings I do not care to listen to when we do lose someone close to our hearts. I do believe you are taking one step at a time and that you are heading in the right direction for all that you have been through these past few years. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2007-11-24 00:10:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Rene,
Simple, real, charming, your writing bounces along, clearly spelling out your love, your sorrow, your
blessing, your thankfulness. Your rhyme is charming. No pretense here.
I enjoyed this. Good job.
Dellena
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