This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-02-15 00:44:46 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Mortal Wings I seek a life without the fray
like lovers seek a sated grail
If empty seas still wash away
I want my ship of promised sail
I pray my heart to keep, not fail
I hold the swirl and ache of rue
my mortal wings are still and frail.
When faith bestows our souls renew.
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Copyright © February 2008 marilyn terwilleger
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-03-04 20:44:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Marilyn,
The problem of seeking life without the balance of up and down, good and bad is as much depth is as much
height.. So if we lived perfectly wonderful lives we would be A bit shallow I'd think.
But anyway I really know your meaning.
I like your ail's rhyming. It worked well.
Good job.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-02-23 04:28:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
My imagination ran with this one poet......Mortal Wings........right away the image of angels danced about in my thoughts along with the empty seas and ship of promised sail....two hearts separated by death now restored when those mortal wings are still and frail.......for love does not die love does live on forever. Now, this is just my take on the flow of your words and I might add I enjoyed the read very much. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-02-18 08:45:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah I remember this one, nice to see it again.... well done, well done...and it stayed with me.
Best,
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2008-02-15 21:30:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
Beautiful! Written from the heart and so true too. Longing for that promised sail. And nothing more refreshing than renewing oneself. Great poem, friend.
Always,
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-02-15 17:17:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
This is an early effort, clearly. Not much to recommend it - using an abundance of credits in a noble attemt to keep the action going?
One very good line though worth keeping: "I want my ship of promised sail." The next line is nice too, "I pray my heart to keep, not fail."
The rest of it . . . no.
MSS
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