This Poem was Submitted By: Robin Ann Crandell On Date: 2008-02-17 03:29:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sweet Irony

Silence only makes me wonder,   What life could have given to us. What could have been between you and I? We would have been happy. We would have loved each other so much. Eternity would have flown by, And we wouldn't have turned back. Our lips would have met Our bodies would have engaged. Our souls would have mated. Our love would have bloomed. Bloomed into a million opportunities; Our happiness would have been everlasting. Wanting you the way I do, Only makes me weaker. I dream of all that should have been, But this sweet irony brings me back. I live daily the destiny that was meant for you and I. It is not you who I kiss. It is not you who I embrace. I live meaninglessly. I can not see you, I can not hear you, Touch you or feel you. After dreaming you, I come back to life. I realize our time was limited; Only a glimpse of what could have been. My days are endless. I live with no direction. Pain is all that's left, Left for me inside these walls. Then I think of what you've done to me. I see how my life was changed from the moment our eyes met. How, I viewed life from a different perspective. How your world changed mine. Sadly, those moments were not enough for you. Now, all that remains are memories I will hold dear. The memory of a love, A love that was not set free. The love among two that was not given the chance. I am now left alone. Left with the sweet mist of your breath, The shine of your eyes in my mind, The desire that never became, And your sweet voice to haunt me for the rest of my days. Here in the silence of these walls, I will reminisce of the short-lived love. Of two lovers united by chance, Separated by destiny.

Copyright © February 2008 Robin Ann Crandell

Additional Notes:
~I published this poem on this site many years ago. Sadly, these words are true still today.~


This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-03-07 23:21:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76471
Robin, This is truly a sad state of affairs however with time the burden should have become lighter. I had a great deal of trouble discerning the poetics in this write, for me it was more like prose. Unfortunately as compassionate as I can be to anothers plight, you left me with the feeling that your only goal was to have someone listen to you, not to have created a poetic read. I hope that this is not to harsh, however you've left this reader confused as to what you had hoped to accomplish here. Best always, Lora


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-02-23 11:19:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thank you for taking the time to repost this poem.......love is often hard to let go when both parties do not agree on the forever after portion. You words certainly indicate the loss you felt then and even today as you indicate the words are true still today. You do leave me wondering if indeed you two did meet and share a moment or two as your hopes indeed indicate your feelings toward this person were not set free thus it may have been doomed from the very start. How very sad that is.... Thanks and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-02-19 14:50:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Robin, You obviously want other people to read about this significant event in your life, and so I have. I can not read this as you wanting anything more - such as, achievement worthy of one of the poets in the venerable list of poets our language has produced. If you wanted that, you wouldn't have posted this, which gives no thought to form or make any attempt toward such a mastery. So, as I said, you wanted this to be read, and I read it. I hope you find some semblance of happiness. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-02-17 16:57:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Robin...this is such a doleful poem, you have written it with great emotion and passion. If we lose a love through seperation or death we greive the same. Sometimes I think death may be the easiest of the two because it wasn't desired or done on purpose. I could easily feel your pain both in the written words and those that lie between...unspoken or written. That you are still struggling with this loss makes the write just that much sadder. I do believe you could shorten this poem a bit without losing the message as some of it seems redundant...but that's probalby just me! A good read. My best to you....marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2008-02-17 09:17:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Robin, one must not start a poem with a glaring grammatical error. In the last line of the first verse, "I" is not the predicate nominative reflecting the nominative case of equating with the subject. It is the object of the preposition, "between" and must take the prepositional case, me. Also, when the poet delivers free verse, they must substitute something else in compensating amounts to distinguish it from prose other than to just place sentences in verse form. Allusions, illusions, euphemisisms, symbols, metaphors, simile's, extended constructs of mythical imagery obtained from the past... something to extend to the reader greater closeness than text will alone. Also, you, as a poet, must universalize meaning of your particular subject, be it plight or flight, to parallel that of others in ways important to embrace the reader with more than pathos. Otherwise, the perception you're just sobbing on shoulders is left and you haven't attained the presumed poet's status of providing something justifying the read. To be perfectly honest. JCH
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