This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2008-02-18 13:28:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sleeping Dogs - a repartee with "Fear"

I remember distinctly; we met in that moment       between life and death when beginning comes upon end         there you stood              in the silence of steel       gatherer of mortal souls       a dybbuk that dwells in boundless black keen to cast his darkling glance on my consequent conquest     golden apple in-hand, you swank your compendium of   ill-starred prey before me         victims of forgotten battles     lost in utter and complete balagan no virgins rove these hellish halls with enigmatic ease   and unfathomable familiarity you mouth my name primed to impose draconian measures     to castigate my composure I recognize my face in yours   in sinister symbiosis a twofold dualism that forms the â€œone” yet,   to utter your name aloud   sends bristles along my backbone         Imagine my quandary...       I am inundated             by rampant rumination Should I scurry away     a meek, mild-mannered mouse               to shrivel into shadows               and shrink in shame? (as your bazaar benevolence     does me no good deeds)   ~ debt lies in every favor ~ or should I cede myself   to sinful sequitur only to disappear beneath             a psychotic smile a maniacal demoniac, an omnipotent   steadfast similitude resigned to solicit my own sanction? after all,      what does Fear itself fear?            you exist only to be conquered a chaotic conundrum,               indeed never mind... ~

Copyright © February 2008 Mary J Coffman

Additional Notes:
Revision of an earlier work.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-03-06 19:10:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
Facing our own fears is what stands out to me in this read Mary and one that you have penned quite well. Certain to make the list of winners along with a few others you have presented this month. Always look forward to your work. Good luck and God Bless, Claire


This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-02-29 15:59:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Mary.....you have used an abundance of unusual words in this piece. I imagine you sent several to their dictionary's! You must forgive me but I am at a loss to completely understand this piece. However, if I had to understand all the poems I crit I wouldn't be able to crit at all! Maybe you are writing about someone who the poet admires, even loves, but is too scared and overwhelmed to say anything. I received an Aaaah moment when I read...never mind...those two words put the poem in the category of superb. You have left me here alone to ponder this poem! Well done Blessings....marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2008-02-20 17:35:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, The poem has an odd effect upon me. You create quite a mood, and I can almost feel the powerful conflict and the encounter between you and this "dybbuk" - you're a dictionary who likes to write poems I think! Other interesting words that had me scurrying for a dictionary were "swank," "rove" and "balagan" - swank and rove being nicely encountered here. Once again, some of the writing seems over the top to me, as with "primed to impose draconian measures / to castigate my composure." I gotta admit though the poem captures me, though. It's a clever title and the ending tells me something's up with I can't quite grasp. JCH would like me to doff the critiquer pose and remain in the courtroom but, hey, I can be wrong here too. :) Anyway, my poetic instincts, which are far in advance of my cognitive skills, tell me this has something going for it, and my nerves concur. You still haven't convinced me as to your sometimes rather strange verbal fashionings. We'll only know if I'm right, and you're wrong, about that if you abandon them and the result is better poetry. You obviously deliberately choose the pedantic or odd word - e.g, "symbiosis." Which isn't so odd - except in a poem. I don't think the positive poetic effect you produce is aided by those words; I think they hurt you, but they may be at worst neutral to your otherwise successful poem. Part of my postive response to this poem is my fondness for Romanticism - this type of struggle with a daemon or embodied otherness (often a self-projection) is part of the Romantic psyche. So I like the poem, though I'll be damned why exactly - and despite some of those Coffmanisms. MSS
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