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This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2008-02-20 16:01:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tragic

Tragedy not yet observed, yet already passed The mind wanders, this keeps the body moving Emptiness, is where fullness once resided Adventures no longer nourish this soul Repetition, day in, day out Thoughts seem mundane, barely alive Rest is wanted, yet never achieved Joy, replaced by despair, no way out Creativity is lost, against the rules Solitude, looked forward too Thus keeping, the heart beatingâ€¦

Additional Notes:
Can you find the word within?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2008-03-07 22:58:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76471
Thomas, This is hauntingly full of sadness and loss, it leaves me totally bereft of words and as I sit here I'm not sure how I'm suppose to respond, like watching a friend who has lost their closet love...it leaves a hollow pit inside...wow, now that is some writing form an accomplished pen. Best always, Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2008-02-28 01:22:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Thomas, I did find the word within - TEAR - but probably wouldn't have if you hadn't mentioned it in a note. This poem is deep, restless spirit trying to release emotions - which I could feel in the first part of your write. Rest is wanted, yet never achieved. (Overly stimulated, no rest for those that constantly process thoughts, or can't find a comfortable place in their life. Very sad, but clearly observed in this write. It speaks volumes of "loss" - or "lost" and lonely - & perhaps recovery - forced to be kept still for healing purposes. It was a good read, very cleverly worded. I enjoyed reading this poem. sincerely, Denimari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2008-02-25 01:31:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas, Tear......I think at every stage of life we learn something....... I think you are learning introspection. And we all have our tears and things we would do differently. I think that as sad is also as glad! Watch and you may find that. they are equal in depth! you are doing good........keep them coming baby! my best to you dear Thomas, Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2008-02-23 04:48:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Not sure of finding the word within my friend but I might say this one certainly does bring forth many images and emotions........what was once a life filled with purpose and meaning, love and laughter, joys and sorrows may now sit alone, empty and in wait....having worked in a nursing home I have seen much of this around me and indeed it is so very sad.......if I were to pick a word within the lines I would say....barely alive.....for some that is what the golden years bring........Thanks for posting and sharing, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2008-02-22 16:05:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Hi Thomas...such a doleful poem...the only thing that keeps it from being unbeareably sad is the last line....thus keeping, the heart beating...but the em dashes at the end tells me there is more to this poem than what is written. You asked about the word within...I notice the first four lines and their first letters spell 'tear' but am at a loss to know if that is what you are asking. This is a poem that needs to be pondered...profound and evocative...well done. Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Paul R Lindenmeyer On Date: 2008-02-21 16:06:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
S, sometimes, just as Tom Hanks said in Castaway, "You just have to keep breathing because you never know what the tide will bring in." If "Solitude" is the current hope, then "Solitude" must be what is needed. Sometimes sitting perfectly still, alone for long periods in complete silence is curative. Certainly the Zen masters look at it that way, the Trappist Monks search it out. The verbiage is clear, if a bit on the down side. The message is indeed "against the rules" of positive, joyful living, but who is in charge of "the rules"? Only the author knows what "rules" to follow and only the author is in charge of personal "fullness". Replacing joy with despair might speak to a personal loss or defeat, but joy is never lost, it just waits around the corner to reappear. Sometimes it resides in the depths of solitude disguised. To see through it may require a change of menu on the "nourish" side of the soul....I hear a heartfelt need for sunlight, humour, laughter, companionship, and some type of true interaction between the author and the rest of the human family. We are more alike in our wants and needs than we admit. Hope the outlook improves...This outlet is certainly a place to "hang it out there" so to speak. If "depression" is the "word", welcome to humanity. Now what use to ring your bell should be sought out and engaged. Peace, Paul

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