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Strays Walk softly cross this street, alive Do not give in, to dance it's jive For only fools do partner here And precious few, get to survive Cold city streets engulfed in fear. These images that haunt the night Of boys and girls, who work their plight Their bodies, souls rot with decay Their burden heavy, bound with fright They turn their tricks another day My mind goes back to walk those streets Turns every corner in defeat These images won’t go away Night after night, this scene repeats Itself, when my thoughts run astray For it was not so long ago That I have walked, with eyes cast low Past dealers, pimps, along my way Beneath the shadows counting dough Made off the poor forgotten strays And in my thoughts these pictures come Of tortured faces, wretched slums Of people, with no will to pray That have no trust in anyone I hang my head in deep dismay. Can no one take their pain away? |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2008-04-06 00:05:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Hello Nancy,
This 'street' you speak of is layered in levels of darkness....this could be a 'literal' street or even a state of mind...depending on the reader...this could be a journey back in time ...I like the build-up and the last two verses are most powerful in creating a climax of poetic thought....I would have liked to see some stronger images in the first two stanzas as they are paramount in launching your piece...When you mention 'my mind goes back to walk those streets'..im taken back to the bodies rotting in decay, lost souls etc...(i would like a stronger picture to walk back to).
However, this was a wonderful read...good flow and climax.
duane.